Monday, December 19, 2005

Whata Xaymaca Night!

Lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

‘Di ko man lang napansin ang iyong pagdating
daig mo pa ang isang bagyong namuo sa malayo
ihip ng hangin biglang nag-iba
sinundan pa ng kulog at kidlat
sa biglang buhos ng iyo sa akin
ako’y napakanta

Lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

Mga halik mo’t mga lambing, inuulan mo sa akin
binabaha, binabagyo na ako ng iyong mga cariño
nananaginip ba ako nang gising
ay, tinamaan ng magaling
nadali mo ang puso ko ng iyong kidlat

Lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

Lintik, lintik, woh woh woh
parang kidlat

Mga halik mo’t mga lambing, inuulan mo sa akin
binabaha, binabagyo na ako ng iyong mga cariño
nananaginip ba ako nang gising
ay, tinamaan ng magaling
nadali mo ang puso ko ng iyong kidlat

Lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

Lintik na pag-ibig
parang kidlat
puso kong tahimik na naghihintay
bigla mong ginulat

Lintik, lintik, woh woh woh
parang kidlat

-----------------------------------------------------
an ode to my latest love, Brownman revival...
remembering a wonderful night at xaymaca... :)

Friday, December 16, 2005

Good Morning, Lugaw

Decmeber 16, 2004. Simula ng Simbang gabi. Present lahat ng tao sa apartment. at gising na gising pa. Lahat may kanya kanyang toka. Si yang andun, nagsisimula ng mag igib ng tubig. Si gigi nagpprepare na din ng mga ingredients para sa lugaw. si gelo present din. siya daw ang gagawa ng champorado. sa unang araw ng simbang gabi, dalawa ang tinda namin. lugaw at champorado. si mel at pi, naghahanda na rin at tumutulong para ayusin ang pwesto namin sa tapat ng gate ng ust (na nasa baba lang naman ng apartment namin). si carms ba, nasaan? di ko na maalala. at ako naman, naglelettering na para sa poster na ipapaskil namin sa pwesto. GOOD MORNING, LUGAW ang pangalan ng tindahan namin, na tatagal sa loob ng siyam na araw ng simbang gabi. Lahat ay masasabi kong abala... abala ngunit masaya at may halong excitement at kasiyahan na nadarama.

Kailangan, alas tres y medya pa lang ng madaling araw nakaset up na kami. At ang oras naman na ito ay nasunod. Bago magbukas ang gate ng UST, nakahanda na kami. Naibaba na ang dalawang malalaking kaldero na puno ng lugaw at isang malaking kaldero din naman para sa champorado. Naisaayos na din ang tinda naming mga kape at yosi. Pati ang mga kobyertos, condiments para sa lugaw at ang gatas para sa champorado ay nakaayos na din sa mesang nakaset up sa gilid ng kalsada.

Bago pa lamang magsimula ang misa, may paisa isa ng bumibili. At ang kakaunting mga baryang ito ay nagdudulot ng ngiti sa aming mga labi. Ako ang kahera. Suot ko ang apron na may bulsa kung saan dun ko nilalagay ang mga benta namin. At sila yang, mel, at pi ang nagtatakal ng lugaw ng mga bumibili. Hindi kami sanay sa pagtitinda. At inaamin kong ito ay first time para sa aming lahat. Kalat kalat ang pagtatakal nila. At kahit may calculator ako, hirap pa din akong magcompute ng sukli. May halong kaba din siguro ako.

Hindi lamang mga nagsisimba ang bumibili sa amin, pati rin ang mga barangay tanod ay paisa isang lumalapit para bumili. Sila manang na nagtitinda ng puto bumbong at bibingka ay bumibili na din. Iba rin ang raket ni manong magtataho. Nakipag exchange ng taho para sa isang order ng lugaw.

Pahinga lang namin ang misa sa simbang gabi. Dahil ang mga kaganapan pagkatapos nun ay parang isang buhawing ang bilis lumipas sa aming mga paningin. Naging mabilis ang mga pangyayari. Naging abala kaming lahat na kahit ang pag uusap ay madalang naming nagawa nung mga oras na iyon. 20 minutes? Ganyan kabilis ang mga pangyayari na halos naubos ang paninda naming lugaw at champorado.

May kaunting natira. Sakto para sa agahan naming lahat na nagpagod. At sakto na rin para makapagbigay din kami ng agahan sa isang pamilyang nakatira sa gilid ng isang bakanteng lote. Sakto lang para maging masaya kami at maging masaya ang ibang tao dahil sa amin.

At ganito ang buhay namin sa walong araw pang natitira sa Simbang gabi. Oo, masaya. At hindi ko ito ipagpapalit sa kahit anong materyal na bagay. At pilit ko itong aalalahanin hanggang marahil sa pagtanda ko. At marahil, sila din, na nakasama ko sa isa sa mga masasayang yugto ng buhay namin.

___________________________________________

December 16, 2005. Simula ng Simbang Gabi. Hindi na ako nakatira sa apartment. Gabi na ako nakauwi sa bahay bago ang totoong araw ng simbang gabi. Sale sa mall ang shoes, at dahil sweldo, bumili ako ng isang pares. Umuwi ako sa bahay para lang kumain ng hapunan. At umalis ako muli para dumalaw sa yumaong ina ng isa naming kaibigan. Matagal tagal din kaming andun. Maraming napagkwentuhan.

Madaling araw na akong nakauwi sa bahay. Hindi ako inaantok. At bigla kong nakita ang kalendaryo. Unang araw pala ng simbang gabi. At imbis na matulog, hinintay ko ang oras ng simbang gabi. At habang lumilipas ang mga ito, napakaraming tumatakbo sa aking isipan. Dahil sa eksaktong araw na ito noong isang taon, abala ako. Abala kaming lahat.

Inaamin kong namimiss ko lahat ng nangyari sa akin nung isang taon. Pero sabi nga nila, everything has to move on. Hindi tayo pwedeng maiwan lang dito. Hindi pwedeng maiwan lang ako dito.

Marahil hindi na rin maalala nila mel, yang, gigi, pi, at carms ang mga nangyari noon. Pero ako, masaya. Kahit papano, pag naaalala ko, napapangiti pa rin ako. Ito ang realidad ng buhay.

Friday, December 9, 2005

Thoughts on "Penge"

Same wavelength or what? Who would have thought that after so many people i have asked to read the article, there would be one person who would share the same views and sentiments as mine.

Such perfect words used. No need to say more.

And to my friends and people who wasn't able to read between the lines, this is for you.

***

since you asked.....so insensitive of me not to have said anything about PENGE.....
actually i have my own thoughts and views about it....yun nga lang "it's mine"....baka kasi sabihin mo nag-comment nanaman ako like that one on "getting old"......without being asked....haha; just don't want to sound like some nosey critic ......

well.....ang pagkakaintindi ko.

it's about someone who's "too ABSORBED" ( i guess that's the exact term) with life's plain subtleties ......that the OBVIOUS and the NOT SO INTRICATE things, becomes too complicated because of trying too hard to interpret what's.... BARE.

i think there are situations, and things...and people, who simply exist because THEY DO......and not for any other matter.

like the BOY ..... who wants kulangot. ABSURD for some....even idiotic; but....over right COMIC sa iba.

and the question at the end..... which are you, or i ?

are you the one who finds too many excuses, or "reasons rather".....that you tend to miss the PUNCHLINE.....of life;

or are you the one who takes life and things at FACE VALUE and "capture the moment"......?

....... i know someone who if in the same predicament, WILL: spread his palm facing up, place his kulangot there, and simply tell the boy (while agitating his palm...);

"o ayan.....pag NAHULI MO, sayo na."

these are the selfless souls, not so many ....... but "happier".
so alin ako ? i asked myself after reading.....

or i guess i'd want more to ask the person who wrote it......alin siya ?
if it's about kulangot lang ....then he's happy; if it's about deeper than kulangot .......
then i guess he's too ABSORBED like everybody else,

why tell the story (medyo mahaba....) if you could just simply asked....."masaya ka bang tao, o miserable ?"

then again.....everybody's entitled to their own excuse , and views, and reasons.....whichever you prefer.

SUMMARY: i love the piece ....... !!!

yun lang pala sasabihin ko.....sound's familiar ???? everybody else misses the point....including me.

ali....thanks for sharing yourself in ways i couldn't understand, it's exactly what i adore about you.

luv,
min

***

awww.... my dearee friend min...
Never ceases to teach me about life's surprising moments and its "little punchlines..."

Monday, December 5, 2005

Penge?

"Kuya, penge ng kulangot," sabi niya.

Ang unang pumasok sa isip ko, hindi ko siya kapatid. Noon lang kami nagkita; nagkataong siya ang nakatabi ko sa bus pauwi. Kung akala niya, nadadala ako sa pa-"Kuya, kuya" ng mga taong hindi ko kilala, nagkakamali siya. Pangalawa, sa pagkakaalam ko, ang kulangot ay sinusungkit mula sa ilong upang ipahid sa ilalim ng mesa, idikit sa pader, iipit sa panyo, lunurin sa lababo o itapon sa basurahan. Hindi ipinapamigay ang kulangot. At pangatlo, sakaling nahihingi man ang kulangot, bakit ko naman ibibigay ang kulangot ko sa kanya? Habang nakasakay sa bus kasama ang humigit-kumulang animnapung pasahero?

"Wala akong kulangot."

"Meron e. Kakasilip ko lang kaya! Dali! Penge na!"

Napakabastos naman nitong batang ito, sa loob-loob ko.

"Sabi nang wala e. Nasaan ba ang nanay mo?"

May halong paninindak ang tanong, nang sa gayon, maligaw na ang usapan at ako ay makasandal sa bintana upang matulog.

"Wala akong nanay. At wala rin akong tatay. Bigla na lang akong lumitaw sa mundong ibabaw."

Gaaaaad. Kawawa naman ang batang ito; wala pang sampung taon, mukha nang takas ng psychiatry ward. Manghihingi ng kulangot, pagkatapos, sasabihing sumulpot na lang na parang kabute. Ayoko nang itanong kung ano ang pangalan niya, baka sagutin ako ng "Jesus Christ" at hindi ko kayanin.

"Boy," hinawakan ko ang kanyang ulo at inilingon patungo sa telebisyon ng bus, "Mabuti pa, manood ka na lang. Baka sakaling matutunan mong hindi nahihingi ang kulangot at hindi mina-magic ang mga bata."

"Hmp, madamot," sambit niya sabay irap.

O, huwag nang patulan, pagpipigil ko sa sarili. Bata iyang aawayin mo, post-duty ka pa. Isang buong araw ka nang gising kakapaanak ng mga nanay, itulog mo na lang iyan.

Nakatitig na sa tv ang namamalimos ng kulangot. Kasalukuyang ipinapalabas ang isang tatay na nanghihingi ng donasyon para sa anak niyang may hydrocephalus: "Madalas nga, tinatanong naming mag-asawa sa Diyos, bakit kami pa? Sa dinami-dami ng tao sa mundo, bakit ang nag-iisang anak pa namin ang magkakasakit ng ganito."

Mahirap siguro maging Diyos. Bagsakan ka na nga ng lahat ng hiling, bagsakan ka pa rin ng lahat ng sisi.

Araw-araw ko nang nakakasalamuha ang mga pasyente ng PGH. Hindi ko na sila kailangang mapanood sa telebisyon. Ikinabit ko ang baon kong earphones at pinatugtog ang radyo ng aking telepono. Kinakanta ng Hoobastank ang "I'm not a perrr-fect perrr-son...."

Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon sa loob ng 24 na oras, ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata.

Ginising ako ng marahang pagtapik sa aking balikat.

"Boss, saan kayo?"

Ang konduktor, naniningil ng pamasahe.

"Southmall, galing PGH, estudyante."

Dinukot ko ang mga nakahandang barya sa aking bulsa. "Sino nga pala ang nagbayad dito?" pabulong kong tanong habang inginunguso ang katabi kong nakatulog din pala.

"Iyan? Walang bayad iyan," mabilis niyang sagot saka abot sa akin ng tiket.

"Bakit?"

Subalit lumipat na siya sa susunod na hilera ng mga pasahero.

"E wala talaga akong bayad e!"

Aba! Gising pala ang mokong.

"Ano? Bibigyan mo na ako ng kulangot?"

Kung nagkataong may hawak siyang baril, malamang nakatutok na ito sa butas ng ilong ko. Para lang sa walang kakwenta-kwentang kulangot na gawa sa aking uhog at sa alikabok mula sa Ospital Heneral ng Pilipinas.

"Teka nga. Seryosong tanong, at kailangan ko rin ng seryosong sagot. Nag-iinit ang ulo ko sa mga pilosopo."

"Tapos, 'pag sinagot ko ang tanong mo, bibigyan mo na ako ng kulangot? Yehey!"

"Aanhin mo ba ang kulangot ko?"

Sa pagkakataong ito, umasa akong sisigaw siya ng "Wow! Mali!" o kaya ay "Yari ka!" at pagkatapos ay ituturo sa akin ang kamerang nakakubli sa isang maleta sa kabilang hanay ng mga upuan.

"Wala lang. Nangongolekta kasi ako ng kulangot."

Uh-oh. Oras na para tumawag sa mental.

"E bakit hindi ka na lang mangulangot buong araw at magdamag?"

"Gusto ko kasi kulangot ng iba."

"Ha? Aanhin mo naman ang kulangot ng iba?"

"Kinokolekta ko nga e. Ang kulit mo naman Kuya!"

At ako pa raw ang makulit!

"Bakit nga? Aanhin mo naman ang kulangot ng ibang tao?" Nakakunot na ang noo ko. Hindi na ako natutuwa.

"Wala lang."

Weirdo. Mas gugustuhin ko pang mabiktima na lang ng isang practical joke show kaysa makipagtalo sa batang ito.

"Hindi pwedeng wala lang. Hindi pwedeng walang bakit."

"Bakit naman hindi?"

"Ganun talaga kapag tumatanda ka na. Hindi pwedeng 'wala lang' dahil lahat ng bagay, may dahilan. Lahat ng pangyayari. Lahat ng hindi nangyayari. Lahat ng tuwa. Lahat ng luha. Lahat ng pagod. Lahat ng sakripisyo. Lahat ng nakakalimutan. Lahat ng nagbabago. Lahat ng nabubuhay. Lahat ng nagkakasakit. Lahat ng namamatay. Kahit kulangot ko, may dahilan kung bakit nasa ilong ko at wala sa kamay mo!

"Kapag matanda ka na, mahirap tanggapin na ang lahat ay nangyayari dahil 'wala lang.' Na lahat ng paghihirap mo sa araw-araw ay wala namang patutunguhan, at sa huli ay wala ring saysay. Para mo na ring inamin na ang buhay mo ay walang silbi. Naiintindihan mo ba iyon?"

Tulala ang bata.

Isa. Dalawa. Tatlo. Apat. Lima.

Anim. Pito. Walo. Siyam. Sam-....

"Ang sungit mo naman. Madamot ka na nga, masungit pa. Mabuti pa yung katabi kong babae kanina, binigyan agad ako ng kulangot. Wala nang 'Bakit? Bakit?'"

Grrrr.

"E 'DI SA KANYA KA HUMINGI, HUWAG SA AKIN!"

Akala ko, mapapaiyak ko ang batang walang nanay at walang tatay. Lagot kapag nagkataon.

Pero hindi siya umiyak. Bagkus, siya ay tumayo, nag-ayos ng nagusot na damit, humarap sa akin, tinitigan ako sa mata at nagsabing, "Alam mo, yung babaeng nagbigay sa akin ng kulangot, mas masaya siya kaysa sa iyo."

Tinawag niya ang konduktor. Pinahinto ang bus at dali-daling bumaba.

Si Kuya?

Tulala.

Isa. Dalawa. Tatlo.

Apat. Lima. Anim.

Pito. Walo. Siyam.

Sampu.

---------------------------------------------------------

Eh ikaw ba dude, kumusta ka? masaya ka ba?

O ikaw ang mamang sungit-sungitan...
at bakit ng bakit?

Friday, December 2, 2005

this is my game

...

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I dont like playing supeficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

checklist...

kumpleto na lahat ng nasa checklist ko...

pwera na lang ang isa.

*myself*

ready na ba ko? excitement ba ito o fear? parang ayaw ko ng matuloy. badtrip.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

at least i got satisfied at CONRAD'S

after a not-so-satisfying experience last night at oody's bar, finally, bumawi naman siya sa kinainan namin ngayon. :) after i went to DFA for my appearance, we went straight to Conrad's resto to satisfy our hungry stomachs. the place was really cozy and very comfy.

We were the first customers to arrive so the service was also really good! we ordered for our all-time favorite, seafood kare kare and fried shrimps! i felt so heaven at that time. just thinking how ironic the feeling was to where we ate last night. i couldnt even comment even a simple thing. all i ever thought and said was:

THIS IS A PIECE OF HEAVEN!!!

burp!

i really find pleasure in eating nowadays. i spent half of year 2005 dieting. and honestly, it was really sad... and now after reaching the shape i've always wanted, i am starting to eat again... a lot. and i love it! not just eating, but the conversations you share with hte people i am eating with.

who cares if i get fat again?? i love eating. period.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Oody's... but not really goodies

I've been eyeing to eat at Oody's bar with a friend eversince i saw it at Robinson's Galleria. And finally, after a long time, I found myself eating at the said bar in Robinson's Place, Manila.

I've been so excited to eat their specialty. Been thinking if I could embrace Thai cuisine. There's a few of Thai cuisines that I really love. And for that matter, I wanted to order food that's new to my taste. My friend and I ordered grilled squid, chicken satay and fried rice seafood. I even ordered thai iced tea.

Judgement:

Chicken Satay: It was good! Even the sauce was great.

Grilled Squid: The squid was cooked very well. It tastes really good. The sauce though was made out of tamarind. Although, I love tamarind, personally, I think, it really doesn't go with the squid.

Fried Rice Seafood: This, from what I've heard, is one of their best sellers. The presentation was good. The java rice was so plenty in comparison to the seafood toppings. I could not finish the whole "bowl" of rice. It tastes good, it just leaves an aftertaste though.

Thai iced tea: Just imagine a brewed tea with milk. It just doesn't go with everything I ate.


After leaving the resto, I was thinking, was it just me who didn't like it (because i could not embrace everything about Thai cuisine)? or it's not really a nice place to eat?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

On Growing and Getting Old

I have then realized that there is actually one soul who always makes time to read my blogs -- i have then realized that there is this someone, without me knowing, continuously updating herself about me, and what i have been thinking and doing.

Days ago, I have posted a blog entitled, "Hibernation, anyone?" All about fear of getting and growing old. And that single soul who has read my blog sent me an email answering all these fears i am getting with the thought of growing old.

***
this is FOR YOU.

"not all..."

not all old people stop loving....some of us thrive constantly and would bargain the best deals of our life for "love's sake"
most of us become innately sensitive at the smallest whimper or cry.....even just the breeze and appreciates simplicity at it's purest form.
old people..........i think stare at rainbows...longer than you do....now,
and YES
they do stop and linger among sunsets patiently waiting and feels glorified when the sun rise;

and NO
not all old people become busy.......some
"makes time"
you, of all, should know .

never fear growing old.....never fear knowing.....never miss a day done;
GOOD or BAD.

the minute your heart knows how to recognize feelings
it "stays there"......for i believe only the form changes with time.....

i am old , and i keep learning from a young soul like you....
the thing is ......while you rebel at the "difference".....
i find "harmony"
with the CONTRAST.

my dearest young friend.....

do you know that i still visit your blog and read your thoughts without telling ..... how else would i know ? maybe love , and sensitivity, and making time has something to do with that....
or just maybe.....i'm more, "in " your life than you are with mine.

how does it feel to get old ? .......it feels nothing.......just the usual day by day......passing.
and , oh yes.......as for me, i tend to say "thank you and i love you"....more often now... than before........... thanks for being a good part of my getting old.

from an old friend.........."literally."

***

And tears started to trickle down my cheeks. I've realized, that maybe there is nothing to worry about with people getting old.

Getting old means...
Loving more and more people.
More conversations with friends.
More rainbows to stare at.
More sunrises and sunsets to patiently wait for.
More time to say thank you's and i love you's.

More experiences to spend with one of my special friends (especially the one who sent this to me).

I am 22 now. So what?
I am not scared anymore.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hibernation, anyone?

Is there any single soul who wants to join me for hibernation?

Why is it that yearly, I would always feel this way whenever it's already the twentieth of september? feels like i am almost becoming a monster again. or maybe into the process of morphing.

scary. i dont want to grow old!

i still can't cross the streets.
i still dont know directions.
i still cant be alone.

arrrgggghhh!
i dont want to grow old.

old people stop loving.
old people overlook at the smallest yet nicer things in life.
old people cant appreciate rainbows anymore.
old people cant appreciate sunsets and sunrises as well.
old people become so busy they lose time for loved ones.

every year, i dread the day of growing old.

i dont want to tire myself of loving.
of smelling flowers at the courtyard.
of staring at the wonders of colorful rainbows and beautiful sunsets.
of spending quality time with loved ones.


and maybe i'll just start learning crossing the streets and knowing directions.
In that aspect, maybe I should grow old on that.

But with everything,
I am sure, I'll still be keeping the child in me.


Tomorrow, I'll be hibernating.
So that the next time i come back, it's the 22nd.
and i missed the day of morphing and becoming more like of a monster.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Edit + Undo

Sana ang buhay parang Adobe Photoshop at Adobe Illustrator. Sa sobrang pagtatrabaho ko at pakikihalubilo araw araw kay adobe photoshop at adobe illustrator, pakiramdam ko ang buhay pwede rin gamitan ng command na EDIT + UNDO. kahit paulit ulit kang magkamali, ayus lang. maaari mong balikan ang pagkakamali mo at itama ito ayon sa nararapat.

Bigla kong napagtanto, ang buhay pala hindi ganun. wala pa lang EDIT + UNDO na command. kung ano na ang nangyari, tama man o mali, hindi na pwedeng baguhin. wala nang ibang magagawa kundi ang magsimula ulit at tanggapin ang mga pangyayaring kaakibat ng desisyong nagawa man ng tama o nagawa ng mali.

paano mo nga naman malalaman na ang isang bagay ay tama pala kung hindi mo naranasan ang mali? ganun talaga eh, paano mo masasabing maginhawa ka pala kung hindi mo naranasan ang kahirapan? at paano mo masasabing masaya ka pala kung hindi mo naranasan ang kalungkutan?

at lahat yun, sa loob ng maikling panahon, napagtanto ko ang kaibahan ng bawat isa.

kaya ngayon, alam ko na ang pagkakaiba. hindi ko man magamit ang EDIT + UNDO, eh di FILE + NEW na lang. di pa naman siguro huli ang lahat.

*
hindi man ako nakapaghanda ng anumang mamahaling regalo, marahil ang pagkilala kong muli sa sarili ko ay isang magandang handog para sa kanya. matagal tagal na din palang pinaiiral ko ang puso ko.

limang taon na.
at sana'y limang taon pa ulit.
at limang taon pa paglipas nun.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

creative director at 21

While I was doing the final layouts for the magazines on one of the busy mornings at the office, I saw my boss came in our creative department with a beautiful lady.

"Everyone, meet Maricel. She will be working with our company now."

My boss introduced everyone in the department, and because I am seated at the farther part of the room, I was introduced last.

"Maricel, this is Earla, our creative director."

Did I hear that right?

And yes it's true. The salary adjustments just came after.

I graduated just almost a year ago. And the ladder of success for me just keeps on going better and better. This is already the third company I have worked with, and I must say, that with all the experiences I've gone through, I have learned my lessons really well.

It would always make me smile whenever my mentor and I compare notes now. I even beat her record of being a Creative Director at 23. Maybe it's not just pure luck. I believe, it's luck plus passion. That two makes a good combination. And I would want to thank my mentor for the rest of my living years, because she has brought out the very best in me. And has put me into this position I have been dreaming all my life, that I am so proud of.

FINE ARTS major in ADVERTISING
Since I was a kid, I always wanted to become an artist. I wanted to have a career with just pencils and crayons at hand. And I would want to make money out of it. It was just myself that pushed me to persuing Advertising.

During my Kindergarten years, until now very vivid in my memory, I had a classmate that made me cry in one of our art lessons. She told that one of my illustrations of a cat looks like a dog. And maybe my first deppression triggered to push me more.

But the story didn't just end there. The same person became also a classmate when I was in third grade. Also in one of our art subjects, she embarked again one moving experience. She took away one project of mine, erased my name, put hers, and passed the project as if it was hers. So during our art class, I suffered standing outside of the room because I don't have anymore project to pass when in fact, I stayed long hours the night before doing the paper folding project.

Good enough, after the art class, I rushed to my teacher (with knees trembling because of standing outside for 40 minutes), I told her the whole story. And yes, evidences proved, it was my project. not hers.

Funny isn't it? The person that judged my illustration of a cat as a dog, is the same person that took away one of the best projects I have done painstakingly in my entire life.

And this experience, I will forever bring even at the peek of my career.
It pushed me to work with even more passion. more determination.

The journey ins't through yet.

Creative Director at 21.

What's next?

Saturday, July 2, 2005

break it to me gently...

I found again myself last night in one of the places that witnessed the tears of a person who was once a mastermind, and now a quantum leaper. The sadness of losing friends in the masterminds really brought me into tears that night of March 31, 2005. Because, honestly, I hate letting go of people, that's why. Cafe Ago-go, saw me cry three months ago, and just last night, that bar saw me go crazy. really crazy that is. It was sort of a reunion of my former officemates. We're so many, thank god, I was able to pay the bill! We had a lot of buckets of beer. Almost lost count on that. Our all time favorites garlic and mushroom, sisig, ang kropeck! and our new found pulutan, buttered popcorn! And it wasn't only that. All of those fu**in friends asked me to sing! I wasn't even prepared, I needed to sing one of the songs I sort of memorized. Ang walang kamatayang, Break it to me Gently. haha! after that, I almost wanted to go home. Good enough, the keyboardist is oh-so good!

Gosh! The place that I never would want to go is one of the places I dearly love! I had fun sharing the night with my missed friends. Maybe, on our next payday, I'll still go there. And of course, prepare myself to sing again. this time, I'll get a nicer piece. haha! still with jojo on keyboards.

or maybe sing again, break it to me gently...

* just a thought, my last day on masterminds is also the last day of Cafe Ago-go at Emerald Ave. And just recently, they opened at Garnet St., same street as the Centerpoint Building that I am working now. Is that a coincidence or what?

Friday, July 1, 2005

Love.is that just it?

"It's not a question here if I still love you, because seriously I do, and you know and feel that. But the way things are going on now, maybe, we'll just again wait for another lifetime. It really pains my heart badly to tell you this... I just think this is the best thing to do... Please remember--this is not about my eternal love for you, because I still am and still will be..."

It was such a noble thing to do. Loving someone so deeply and purely, and still holding on... It's not about letting go. Because waiting for another lifetime is way too long for people, to tell that person that he's actually letting go. Sometimes, love is not just enough to keep a relationship. The world is too big for people to embrace all its flaws and uncertainties. The world will never understand each and every earthling that lives in his abode. But love, still stays as it is. Even without a relationship. Love is the best and at the same time, the worst feeling someone will ever have in his entire lifetime. and it is, definitely wonderful.

If someone will ask me now-- "Would you still risk your heart to love, even if the whole world never allows you to?" Definitely, no second thoughts, I'd still choose to love. The whole world will never completely understand me, or you. This life is a continuous journey of making ourselves, purely understood.

And yes.
LOVE.
it's just that it.