tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33657230288063821982024-03-13T21:18:02.035+08:00one blissful nomad“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes
but in having new eyes.” [Marcel Proust]Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.comBlogger146125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-23816260588315880872015-11-05T23:30:00.000+08:002015-11-06T10:59:38.792+08:00Losing BalanceHe took as much photos as he could.<br />
He took as much photos of us as he could.<br />
He looked around and snapped in all angles, as if wanting to encapsulate all those memories he's had over the years.<br />
<br />
He pressed my hand, hugged tightly.<br />
We exchanged our last glances, as my throat slowly becomes painful.<br />
I looked up, breathed in as much air as I could, and looked away.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LR5qXDd1ZBQ/VjwShi90fqI/AAAAAAAAA3A/PtyZFDD-rvg/s1600/12196289_10206672168996316_1524400977705388643_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LR5qXDd1ZBQ/VjwShi90fqI/AAAAAAAAA3A/PtyZFDD-rvg/s320/12196289_10206672168996316_1524400977705388643_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the Changi Airport Terminal 3, Departure Area,<br />
sending off our Kuya Mark to share to the world.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Tonight was the night, the Kuya I once never had, finally left to follow his heart's desires.<br />
Tonight was the night, our Kuya Mark left.<br />
<br />
We were such a good team.<br />
The three of us, James, me, and our Kuya Mark.<br />
<br />
James would always bully me, and Kuya Mark always rescues me.<br />
Kuya Mark would crave for some blueberry pancakes or scones, and we would look forward to the weekend so we could bring him the ones that I cooked and baked.<br />
Kuya Mark would give James stuff that he likes, even those that were gifts from people.<br />
Kuya Mark would willingly give me all the bacon in his plate, and he won't feel bad at all.<br />
We would go to picnics, cycle at parks, eat at posh restaurants, eat at hawker centres, eat chips in the middle of the night, watch movies, watch sappy movies, watch tagalog movies, swim together, grill barbecue, laugh at each other, laugh at other people.<br />
<br />
We were such a good team.<br />
We've never lost our balance until today.<br />
<br />
I looked at James tonight and said, "Paano na yan, tayo na lang."<br />
<br />
I was not really good in handling goodbyes, especially the sudden ones. Nobody has prepared me for this, and there will never be getting used to.<br />
<br />
And while we pray that our Kuya Mark will start to smile genuine smiles, and laugh ceaselessly until his stomach aches, James and I pray for that day that somehow, we'd finally find balance in this lost equilibrium.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-9854197161933765932015-09-12T16:31:00.002+08:002015-09-12T16:31:54.446+08:00September ThoughtsIn a few days, I will be celebrating my 32nd birthday. Yes, I sent that to the Universe because I guess maturity teaches us to accept the things that we are uncontrollable of. Like age.<br />
<br />
In a few days, I will be having the grandest adventure with Mr. G. It's going to be the grandest adventure YET to be written.<br />
<br />
The days have been different.<br />
The struggles are becoming more and more difficult.<br />
The responsibilities are getting more and more arduous.<br />
Life is becoming more and more real.<br />
<br />
And yet,<br />
The sun shines brighter by the day.<br />
The moon becomes even more impeccable by the night.<br />
The everyday blessings become more evident.<br />
Life is becoming more and more relevant.<br />
<br />
I guess, I have already learned how to dance with everyday. Maybe this is not yet the big chunk of it, but I think, tomorrow's something to look forward to. Tomorrow's something to wake up to.<br />
<br />
I've seen how beautiful love is. But now, I've seen how ugly love is too. And yet, there's so much charm in those ugliness. Embracing it even makes love more and more beautiful.<br />
<br />
I am getting used to the idea of having somebody to confide with everything, somebody to share life's little victories, somebody to share life's unbreakable walls -- to fight over petty things, and at the same time have ambitious dreams together.<br />
<br />
One morning, he was too ecstatic for narrating his dream. He said he was happily playing with a beautiful little girl, our little girl. The little girl was playful and kept on running around, and he kept on being too overprotective, following her wherever she goes. After he finished narrating his dream, he told me, "it felt so real."<br />
<br />
I am unsure of what's going to happen today, or tomorrow. I've never had a concrete life plan, until today. But I'm only sure of one thing.<br />
<br />
I could marry this guy.<br />
<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-42916263835260833172015-03-10T16:43:00.001+08:002015-03-10T16:43:51.175+08:00#ClingyHashtag Clingy.<br />
<br />
Young people of today use that as part of their everyday language. Why are people of today so clingy with everyone and everything that at times it doesn't make sense anymore.<br />
<br />
What has ever happened to our personal independence?<br />
<br />
My phone suddenly gave up on me today. My alarm didn't wake me up. I couldn't check my calendar on my daily schedule and meetings. I lost communication to family and friends overseas. I could not even track when my next period will be. Just because my phone died on me.<br />
<br />
I felt like I was a headless chicken running around nowhere.<br />
<br />
And why do we act this way with our relationships too? We have been used unto being attached to the comfort of having them around. What will happen when suddenly one is gone, or lost?<br />
<br />
Should we feel like a headless chicken running around nowhere too?<br />
<br />
We cling, and yet we only cling for the moment.Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-74446546566547256292014-10-28T10:07:00.002+08:002014-10-28T10:10:52.718+08:0028 October Thoughts<i>I remember what you said; You said you’ll never leave me.</i><br />
<div>
<i>Sometimes I feel so all alone.</i></div>
<div>
<i>Lord, I know I’m just a man.</i><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
It’s been almost half a day, and this song is still on repeat.</div>
<div>
The more it continues to play, the deeper it goes through every tissue of me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It’s been two days since that unforgettable bus experience. Most of the time, I forget. But today, I remembered, and it’s even more real now when my thoughts go through it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
There’s so much things to say, yet I uttered none. </div>
<div>
The more I wanted to forget, all the more I remember.</div>
<div>
The more I wanted to be cleansed, the more I feel filthier.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I feel so bad for being weak.</div>
<div>
I shouldn’t have trusted the world, but myself.</div>
<div>
It’s all real, and yet I feel fake.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This indescribable feeling may take time.</div>
<div>
When wounds are unseen, it takes even more time to heal.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I catch myself staring blankly, looking out, looking far.</div>
<div>
Thinking, but not thinking at all.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I should be attuned to the own beating of my heart.</div>
<div>
That’s the only sign I get that I am still alive.</div>
Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-46445385201079145522014-09-23T19:53:00.002+08:002014-09-23T19:53:35.630+08:00The Case of the Missing Red Velvet CupcakeIt's been more than twenty four hours, and yet, it still gives me a heartbreak everytime I remember that somebody took my red velvet cupcake. To you, this might just be a little issue and you'd just shrug it off.<br />
<br />
Let me tell you something. I am not a selfish person by nature. But let me explain to you why I feel this way and why is there such a need to even blog about this.<br />
<br />
On the eve of welcoming my 31st birthday, I blew candles on my cupcakes that my boyfriend gave me. I ate one of it and thought exactly how I am supposed to eat the rest of it -- red velvet will be last. As they say, save the best for last.<br />
<br />
However, last night when I came home from the office, tired and feeling so much pain from monthly cramps, I thought a red velvet cupcake might do some magic. When I opened the box, two cupcakes were missing. The caramel flavor and the red velvet. The boyfriend said he ate the caramel. And yes. The red velvet cupcake that should have been eaten last, or eaten in emergency cases like this, was lost.<br />
<br />
I told the boyfriend about it, but instead of agonizing with me, or even consoling me with the loss of the red velvet cupcake, he got pissed and just told me he'll buy another box of cupcakes.<br />
<br />
But no matter how many boxes of cupcakes he buy, he can't replace my birthday cupcakes -- the first ever cupcakes he gave me, the cupcakes I blew candles on the eve of my 31st birthday, the cupcakes that opened doors to more suprises.<br />
<br />
I am not really sefish by nature. I am just sentimental. And to me, those are not just cupcakes. Those are my 31st birthday cupcakes.<br />
<br />
And nobody understands.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-67162662548252653162014-09-22T18:03:00.000+08:002014-09-22T18:06:51.005+08:00Thirty OneI am apparently still in a daze from welcoming a new lease at life. While I am writing this, I am still nursing a bad hangover, and my burp still smells of Baileys.<br />
<br />
I keep on remembering fragments of what has happened in the last few hours, and for so many years, this has been, the first time in the longest time that I smile a genuine smile. It's actually not the kind of happiness that creates a boisterous laughter, but the kind of happiness that is igniting from within.<br />
<br />
I clearly remember what I wrote a year ago, a few days before my birthday.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"If I'd have birthday candles to blow,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'd wish for genuine love</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That would flourish and grow."</div>
<br />
Exactly a year later, my life is just surrounded with so much love, the kind of love that has no pretensions, the kind of love that would prod me to love myself more. There is definitely no place I'd rather be. The Universe sure gives me overflowing love.<br />
<br />
I don't think I'd ever have birthday blues again. Families (both by blood and by heart) assured and re-assured that I am loved. James, among many people, has made monumental efforts to make me feel special too. He woke me up on the eve of my birthday to blow my birthday candles. He even surprised me with a dress from a spanish brand I really like. He made sure I'd have the most memorable birthday party ever. And he even booked us a Hong Kong trip for this weekend!<br />
<br />
What it feels to be thirty one? I guess there's lesser drama, because people around me exude a happy vibe which is really contagious. I've also learned the value and importance of people in my life. Some have stayed because I know that the kind of relationship we've shared are honest and transparent. While some have gone away because they've only taught me lessons that would make a better me.<br />
<br />
Here's to hoping that I'd live a life like how I've celebrated my "Boodle Fight" Birthday Party yesterday -- carefree, intimate, fearless, fun.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JPDbJmWzXRw/VB_zU_JM3rI/AAAAAAAAAww/G1xFqQME-fk/s1600/20140921_200053-new.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JPDbJmWzXRw/VB_zU_JM3rI/AAAAAAAAAww/G1xFqQME-fk/s1600/20140921_200053-new.jpg" height="400" width="322" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is my 31-year old self prior to the commencement of the "fight."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-4910719994736184302014-07-30T09:07:00.001+08:002014-07-30T09:07:36.162+08:00On Dying"Have you ever felt that feeling that you might be dying anytime soon?"<br />
He asked.<br />
<br />
I said yes, so many times.<br />
<br />
I always have that feeling of maybe-I'm-about-to-die-soon most especially on moments I am at my happiest, or at my content state -- on moments when suddenly, out of so many hurdles and challenges that's been coming my way, suddenly comes a plateau.<br />
<br />
I've had a realization, that in a way, figuratively, is true. There is really a part of us that dies, because there is a part of us that is into birthing.<br />
<br />
When a part of us dies, a part of us is born.<br />
Then arrives better version of us.Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-31858087746465025812014-07-15T18:18:00.001+08:002014-07-15T18:18:36.060+08:00We're not Lucky, We're Blessed<br />
We're not lucky, we're blessed.<br />
<br />
That's what he said when I kept recalling all the events that have been happening to both of us recently.<br />
<br />
Last weekend, I had to sleep in the living room, lying down on a foam that doesn't seem to give comfort at all. It was Argentina - Germany championship, and all I had was an old 24" television, when I could have watched on my 42" 3D LED television my boyfriend has given me.<br />
<br />
As I turned off the living room lights, waiting for the championship game in that little box, I smiled. I smiled a genuine smile, that even my heart could not contain. I truly immersed myself with this present feeling, because I know, one day, I shall look back at this moment, when I am already lying down at the comfort of my Tempur king size bed (even if I am unsure if that day will come), and tell myself, that I have been so much blessed to experience such kind of life. I may be immensely grateful.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, the Universe has to give us lessons in the most unconventional manner. Sacrifices seem to be more bearable when we know that there will surely be something better that will come out of all these.<br />
<br />
Life, after all, has been so good to me. I am not just lucky. I am blessed.<br />
<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-50572962466311841662014-07-08T16:57:00.000+08:002014-07-08T16:58:27.905+08:00Life Lessons: Not Meant to Be<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />A colleague told me the story of how she lost her new China-made phone. It was not literally lost, but it's not working anymore. <br /></span><br />
<div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">She went rushing to the toilet to pass urine and her phone was inside her pocket. When she stood up and about to flush, she heard a sound of something that dropped into the bowl. It was her phone. It was her China-made phone. It fell off because her pocket was was too shallow for the big phone. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To her surprise, she picked it up, trying to save it, wishing it could be saved. It's been a week and the phone is inside a rice container, as some friend told her that it might help to get back to its good working condition. She is, until now, hoping. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Same goes with life, I guess. We all rush into hasty decisions, without even knowing the repercussions. We try to fit in some things that doesn't have any space in our lives. We try to fit into other people's lives who doesn't seem to be welcoming at all. Not even meant to be.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And yet, at the end of it all, we hope. We hope that that one day will come -- that day when everything we hoped for will finally fall into place.</span></div>
</div>
Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-85216350330671527502014-06-20T17:20:00.002+08:002014-06-20T17:20:57.808+08:00Half-Year Mark<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dear Love,<br /> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We have just hurdled a big challenge in our relationship. I know this may be little from the bigger challenges we may be meeting along in our journey. We've only reached our half-year mark, and yet I know in my heart that we've endured a lot and we've become stronger, ever ready to overcome more.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Love, the more you open up yourself to me, the more you slowly take away the surface of your soul, the more I realize how much more there is to know, and accept, and love about you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">You may have thought that our meeting was the most unconventional and the most awkward to tell. But for me, I believe that our meeting was the most perfect time for us. Both of us were wounded, scared, and dazed. And yet when we met, I have realized that there was more of me to become. I've began to dream real dreams. I've began to do things with purpose. I've began to set beautiful goals I have never thought I would want to have. I have become fearless of what seemed to be a horrifying world.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Everyday has always been beautiful and memorable -- </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">whether we are sharing the most intimate night at a fine dining restaurant or having dried fish and eggs for breakfast in our pajamas; </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">whether we're sipping a first grade Sauvignon with a view of Clarke Quay city skyline or drinking a $20 wine on a plastic cup at a park;</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">whether we're watching a movie premiere on a couple seat with hotdogs and popcorn, or watching Monsters University for the Nth time at home while having some greasy chips;</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">whether we're lying down side by side watching the Phuket sunset while sipping our ice-cold Chang, or walking home from work, holding hands, while we admire how the night steals the day;</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and the list goes on.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am ever so thankful to the Universe for the gift of YOU. You have made life so beautiful. You have made me beautiful. I must have done something so good to deserve all these. And you are the gift that I would want to love, nurture, and cherish for as long as I am able to.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Like all relationships, ours may not be perfect as well. When we are faced with arguments, let us have arguments that both of us will win. Let's have arguments that are only for argument's sake. Let's have arguments that will make the better US. Let's have arguments with respect and never takes out each other's dignity. Let's choose the best argument.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And yet we love. I love loving you. I love how you express your love to me. I love your ways. I love our ways. I love the things we say and do for each other to express this feeling. There's too much love for you in this lifetime, love. This escalating ecstasy is beyond comprehension.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-80164564933638893042014-05-21T18:27:00.000+08:002014-05-21T18:27:02.979+08:00Hump Day WednesdayI did not wake up on the right side of the bed.<br />
I woke up today on the BEST side of the bed.<br />
<br />
I never really liked Wednesdays. It brings some kind of melancholia that comes from somewhere I am unsure of. But today, out of so many days, is different. Today is whimsically different.<br />
<br />
We are nearing the 6-month mark. Honestly, not all days bring sunshine to both of us. There are days that reminds us that we are both humans -- we get angry, we get hurt, we get disappointed, we get frustrated. We have always been reminded by circumstances, that even though our love for each other nourishes us, it will always be challenging to understand each other.<br />
<br />
No matter how cliché-ic it sounds, men are really from Mars, while women are from Venus. While we find it so difficult to deal with men, I know that they feel the same way too.<br />
<br />
However, last night happened. How often to you get your man to sit down with you and talk his heart out? How many men in the world will understand the fact that women find strength in showing their vulnerabilities? How many men will reminisce that first day they met you and fell in love with you and talk to you about it?<br />
<br />
I got that man. Last night, I saw that part of him. We both expressed how this love should always be cultivated, how we should both thrive to find reasons to fall in love with each other everyday. He has given me the most genuine assurance. He's real. He's true. That's all that matters.<br />
<br />
Today, he came back from a site visit and handed me over a Subway meal. Simple gestures that are very rare to come by with men. Simple gestures that bring tingles to my spine.<br />
<br />
I love my man. I love how we constantly find harmony in our contrast.Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-16883914783104194662014-05-07T17:06:00.000+08:002014-05-07T17:09:22.792+08:00Enduring Love<div>
<br /></div>
<i><b>Me:</b> Akalain mo no? Tatag niyo din e.<br /><b>Supernanay:</b> Shempre, patibayan kami. Kung sino ang unang aayaw, talo. HAHAHAHA <br />Ayaw niya siguro matalo. Lugi siya. Hahatian niya ako ng ari-arian niya. HAHAHAHA<br /><b>Me:</b> Ayaw niyang mapahiwalay sa iyo. Wala ng magtitiis sa kanya. Tiisan lang yan e.<br /><b>Supernanay:</b> Oo nga. Patibayan nga. Di ko naman maisauli sa nanay niya, wala na eh. Kahit gusto niya ako isauli, wala na din. Sorry na lang.<br /><b>Me:</b> Sige, gawin din natin yan. Puuush natin 'yan.<br /><b>Supernanay:</b> Push na lang tlaga! HAHAHAHA</i><br /><br /><div>
I was having a conversation with the Supernanay, while she told me it's their 31st wedding anniversary. My mom and dad has been married for 31 years. And prior to that, they've been dating for 7 years. That's 38 years altogether! And even up to this day that my dad is very bad with giving gifts, he never misses an occasion.<br /></div>
<div>
Even if my mom doesn't admit up to this day, I know I was their "love child." I was already inside her when they got married! I was made in the cold month of December. And during their wedding day, I was already five months, growing fingernails and hair, and I am very sure she was already feeling my movements inside her.<br /><br />Growing up in a closely-knit family, I have been a witness to their extraordinary love story. My parents grew up together with us too! They have matured as individuals, as partners and as parents to us. I've experienced how they have endured their everyday because of their love for each other. They have endured our everyday. And after thirty-one years, after all these changes that has happened, after every triumph and every hurdle, they have withstood and emerged ever stronger than yesterday.<br /><br />Recently, while I was having a wine with my dad, I asked him how did they manage to reach this far. Knowing my dad to be a man of few words, he told me, "When she's angry, I keep quiet. When I'm angry, I keep quiet too." He actually made sense. He has mastered the art of compromising with human beings from Venus.<br /><br />Compared to my mom and dad's love story, mine is still a little seedling that needs more sunlight, water, and insurmountable amount of tender loving care. I am fervently clasping my hands that we may be able to endure together -- that I may be able to endure how he doesn't seem to care about the world (but he sure does in his own manly way), and that he may be able to endure how haywire my emotions are and so much more than that.<br /><br />I have been a firm believer of a lasting love through my mom and dad. With everything that's happening in the world right now, at least I got something to hold on to -- some kind of genuine hope that we may all be able to endure.<br /><br />I am so proud of my parents. I am so proud of their enduring love. Whew! Thirty-one years! And here's to another thrity-one years and more!<br /><br /></div>
Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-74287997850432381102014-04-21T09:30:00.000+08:002014-04-22T09:33:11.333+08:00Dear Lola Mang | Day 25Easter Monday.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was a special event in our home. It was the family's yearly tradition to have our Easter Egg Hunt after coming home from our Sunday mass. Twelve eggs are to be found in our living room. Who has been keeping them all these years?<br />
<br />
Lola Mang.<br />
<br />
My mom texted me early in the morning.<br />
<br />
"Good Morning! Happy Easter! <i>Sino kaya ang magtatago ng eggs ngayon?</i>" (Who do you think will hide the eggs today?)<br />
<br />
She followed through with a photo she took of our altar. She placed food for Lola as our usual "<i>atang</i>"with an unpainted egg. She said, "<i>Magpepaint din siya eh</i>." (She will paint too.)<br />
<br />
Usually, when Lola Mang paints, she always draw faces that are always Chinese looking -- two straight lines for the eyes and a long curved line for the lips. And she always boasts them as if they're the best eggs artwork in the world. I guess I'd have to oblige by now.<br />
<br />
I drank my coffee early in the morning while I sobbed. It has always been a good time since nobody was watching.<br />
<br />
While we were eating lunch, our Easter Egg Hunt memories came through my mind. I gave up controlling the tears. James, in his usual self, cracked up some jokes to make me smile. He made goofy moves while he sang the nursery rhyme, "Three Blind Mice."<br />
<br />
Three Blind Mice was one of the nursery rhymes I so loved when I was growing up. Lola Mang taught me the Bicolano version of that rhyme that until now, I still can remember.<br />
<br />
<i>Tulum Butang Kino</i><br />
<i>Naghuruharampang</i><br />
<i>An sabi san saro</i><br />
<i>An sabi san saro</i><br />
<i>Tulum butang kino</i><br />
<br />
I guess when you remember by heart, you remember forever.<br />
<br />
I cried. I smiled. I cried again.<br />
<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-4806144349114098782014-04-09T17:35:00.003+08:002014-04-09T17:35:52.560+08:00Dear Lola Mang
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">27 March | Thursday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 1</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">“Why are you crying, Ninang Ola?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Is Lola Mang dead?”</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Brandon was with me at the workplace
when the news came. It was too tough to handle. But he made it so
easy. He told me I shouldn't be sad because you've only ended your
life here on earth. You have another life in heaven.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">He even said, “I can't wait to die,
Ninang O. Because when I do, I'll come up to Jesus and I will ask
where Lola Mang is. And we will be together again.”</span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-06E1tLwr7Fg/U0UJnkwCqXI/AAAAAAAAAsw/5aOLkWNlTAI/s1600/IMG_20140327_194801.jpg" imageanchor="1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-06E1tLwr7Fg/U0UJnkwCqXI/AAAAAAAAAsw/5aOLkWNlTAI/s1600/IMG_20140327_194801.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">How do I live now, without you, Lola Mang?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">28 March | Friday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 2</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l9XdnQitZ3o/U0UJnqyqo9I/AAAAAAAAAtA/c-wVFRDECqE/s1600/IMG_20140328_072315.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-l9XdnQitZ3o/U0UJnqyqo9I/AAAAAAAAAtA/c-wVFRDECqE/s1600/IMG_20140328_072315.jpg" height="400" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">I didn't know how I was able to sleep last night. All I know is that the dark was too comforting. Memories of you kept on flashing through since yesterday. I remember them so fondly I laugh until I end up crying. I am blessed to have people surround me with overflowing love. Their comforting words and hugs help me carry through. I woke up today early, just like the rest of the days to carry on with everyday domestic duties. I can't stop the sun to rise, even all I ever wanted was to stay in the dark. I can't stop the birds to chirp outside my room window, even all I ever wanted was silence. I looked at the bathroom mirror and I saw my swollen eyes. I don't look good today. I didn't really make an effort because the insides of me don't feel good at all. My head is painful, but my heart is even more so. I slept wearing this ring you gave me a few years ago. Maybe I'll be wearing this everyday from now on. Our last phone conversation was filled with "I love yous." And til today, I remember how you said those words to me even with trembling voice. This is so tough. How do I get through life without you anymore? I love you, Lola Mang. I love you. I love you. I love you.</span></span></div>
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><div style="font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">29 March | Saturday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 3</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today, the sun shone upon my face. I feel alive.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-size: x-small;">(via Twitter)</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">30 March | Sunday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 4</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-znxwBHsC-3I/U0UJnma4xnI/AAAAAAAAAs4/nY5m0gIfxnY/s1600/IMG_20140330_102353.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-znxwBHsC-3I/U0UJnma4xnI/AAAAAAAAAs4/nY5m0gIfxnY/s1600/IMG_20140330_102353.jpg" height="400" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">My luggage is only filled with black and white clothes. It was so easy to pack it this time. A few minutes and I'm done. I walk fast but it seemed like I was dragging my feet. I talk so much but it seemed like I don't make sense at all. I am excited to come home. But I am equally scared. I'm going to see you in a while, Lola Mang. But when I see you, it will be a different scenario altogether. I won't feel your warmth anymore. I won't be able to kiss your forehead anymore. I will only see you in that rectangular box, and you will be surrounded with flowers, and not your medicines, nor our pictures anymore. But I shall see you, Lola. I shall see you. I promised you that, remember?</span></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><div style="font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">31 March | Monday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 5</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><i>Lola Mang, kape?</i> I will never forget how you always ask if I want coffee not even minding the time of the day. This morning I woke up and I went up to your casket asking, <i>"Lola, kape, gusto mo?"</i> I prepared your coffee and your favorite biscuits from Singapore. I kept one of my promises, <i>Lola</i>. <i>Gusto mo ng imported na handa, di ba?</i> It took me a really long while to take a look at you yesterday. It took me hours of crying before I finally went into this room. I am grateful for family who stayed beside me the whole time eventhough I know my emotions were too much to handle. I stayed with you the whole night. And whenever I feel like talking to you, I'll just come up and talk to you casually. You are so beautiful, Lola. You were smiling back at me. And though I still feel sad from time to time, my heart is filled with memories of your love.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">1 April | Tuesday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 6</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">Flowers for you, Lola Mang. Yesterday, I thought of adding more flowers all around you. Some are almost withering, and I want you to look extravagant. After all, you were once a beauty queen in your province. Instead of buying arranged ones from the shop, I bought stalks of colourful chrysanthemums. I wanted your flower arrangements to be unique so I arranged them myself. Your guests were looking at me while I was arranging. They said it's beautiful. And that's how special you are, <i>Lola</i>. I arranged those beautiful flowers by myself. You were surrounded by so many flowers. While I was arranging, I kept on talking to you. I kept on reminiscing our memories together especially Flores De Mayo days. I always do that during summer days in Bicol. We offer flowers to Mama Mary while we sing songs. My cousin accompanied me while I re-enact those days. We laughed so hard until I went on my knees and sobbed without end. There's so much memories to remember, <i>Lola Mang</i>. Happy memories that makes me cry everytime. I try to be happy, Lola. But most of the time when I do, tears just fall.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">2 April | Wednesday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 7</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Without hesitation, I took the hearse
which carried your body on the way to the crematorium. Because as
what everybody said, <i>ako ang “padaba” </i><span style="font-style: normal;">(favorite).</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sad songs were
being played while the hearse slowly moves. I was trying so hard to
control the tears, by cracking some quick jokes to my cousin who's
also beside me at that time. I was even from time to time, looking
behind, asking you, “Okay ka lang ba dyan, Lola?” But tears
relentlessly fall.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">From the funeral
homes, we passed by our house – the house that has been a witness
to so many of our memories together. Many of our neighbors were
outside, and paid some respect.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-style: normal;">The
journey to the crematorium was by far the shortest I've ever
imagined. I never wanted it to end. But I am too selfish to say that.
I know you've been too tired, Lola. I kept on looking at the white
balloon tied on the hearse's window, while I said, </span><i>“Tingnan
mo naman, Lola, daig mo pa ang presidente sa dami ng escort mo. Hindi
humihinto ang sasakyan natin kahit pa ba red light yan.”</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">They opened your
casket for the last time at the crematorium. And, for the last time,
<i>nagmano ako sa iyo</i>. While the rest of our relatives did the
same, I intensely looked at you, every contour, every curve, every
vein from those hands who has taken care of me for the longest time.
For the last time, I stroked your soft and gray hair, while I
whispered, <i>“Kaya na namin 'to, Lola. Pahinga ka na.”</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">They took your body
and after three hours of waiting, they handed me the marble urn. I
saw that they sealed your ashes inside the urn. Your name was
beautifully etched in gold. I carried your urn from the crematorium
to the columbarium. I even jokingly said, “Finally, <i>Lola</i>,
it's my turn to carry you.”</span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">While we were on
the road, I thought my emotions were settled until the sudden gush of
tears came. I just began to realize, that whenever I would come to
Manila, I shall visit you not in our house anymore, but in another
place. I won't be able to hug you, nor kiss you, nor exchange stories
with you.</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The Ascension
Columbarium is a nice place – well-lit, well-ventilated,
contemporary, class. A good place for you, <i>Lola</i>. We all prayed the
rosary and right after, daddy placed your urn inside the small box
located at 21- 12B. Quite easy to memorize – my birthdate and my
favorite number.
</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Before we left, I
touched the small box with your name on it, while I whispered, “See
you again, <i>Lola.</i>”</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We all held a white
balloon. I said a little prayer, talked to you for a while, told you
<i>“Basta sundan mo lang yung liwanag, Lola. Dire-diretso lang.”</i> And I let go of
the balloon. A few seconds after, the balloon was already out of my
sight.</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">3 April | Thursday</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">Day 8</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">My view since five in the morning. Been looking at the ceiling for more than three hours. There's so many thoughts. And there's no thought. There's so many things to do. And there's nothing to do. There's so much things to say. And there's nothing to say. I need to get up in a few minutes. The morning sun is inviting. I want to walk wherever. I want to go anywhere. I want to get a tattoo. I want to eat whatever. I want to sing. I want to laugh. I have to. I have to.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">4 April | Friday</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">Day 9</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I keep coming in your room, Lola Mang. I sit there for a while. It feels cold. And yet warm. It's been a week & a day, and I miss you.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #292f33; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: normal; white-space: normal;">(via Twitter)</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #292f33; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">6 April | Sunday</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">Day 11</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8mIAMGKJqYQ/U0UJpnhnToI/AAAAAAAAAtw/1GXyV5Pdmzo/s1600/IMG_20140406_075039.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8mIAMGKJqYQ/U0UJpnhnToI/AAAAAAAAAtw/1GXyV5Pdmzo/s1600/IMG_20140406_075039.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It's been a week and three days, <i>Lola Mang</i>. It all happened so fast yet so slow. I'm finally back in this little city. I brought you with me. James and I prayed for you last night. I woke up today, and I greeted you Good Morning while I looked at your photos I set up on my bedside table. The sudden gush of emotions were lessened. Only happy memories to remember remain. I guess when you live in my heart, you live forever. I love you, <i>Lola</i>.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span></div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">7 April | Monday</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">Day 12</span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-style: normal; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mx-pKoisPvg/U0UJphVCgJI/AAAAAAAAAts/pEqgJhyXl54/s1600/IMG_20140407_184331.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Mx-pKoisPvg/U0UJphVCgJI/AAAAAAAAAts/pEqgJhyXl54/s1600/IMG_20140407_184331.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Finally back to the daily grind. I shouldn't be coming to work yet, but I got to get busy already. First time in the longest time I wore a watch. I've always liked the idea of timelessness, of doing things in my own sweet time. But <i>Lola Mang</i> taught me that time will not always be on our side. I have to make each moment important -- as if it is the only chance I got. Today, I wore the watch I gave<i> Lola Mang</i> a couple of years ago. She must have taken good care of it. It still looks brand new. Whenever I look at this, I smile. <i>Lola Mang</i> always remind me that NOW is always the best time for everything.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(via Instagram)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">9 April | Wednesday</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">Day 14</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: 200; line-height: 21px;">
</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">It's been fourteen
days since you left us, </span><i>Lola Mang</i>. How ironic that when you left, you are
ever more present now. You always fill my thoughts when I wake up in
the morning. My prayers are filled with you when I sleep at night. My
actions now are ever more sensitive to following your life well-lived
and aspirations. My lips utter more of our memories shared together.</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
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After a couple of
days without tears, I cried again last night with thoughts of you.
</div>
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<br />
</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I love you, Lola
Mang.</div>
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I miss you,
everyday.</div>
</span><br />
<br />
<br />
Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-81482969239474482912014-04-07T16:34:00.000+08:002014-04-07T16:44:15.187+08:00Eulogy to My Most Favorite Lola<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">1 April 2014<br />Originally written on a brown paper bag; Unedited</span><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">By the window at Prudential Funeral Homes</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Manila, Philippines</span></div>
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<div>
<br />
How does one make a eulogy to her most favorite Lola?<br />
<br />
<div>
It took me a long while to come into this room. I am certainly not scared, but most likely because, I never really thought this day would come. Akala ko Lola, imortal ka.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
You've always been so energetic and strong. Na-amaze ako 'pag nakakayanan mong magbuhat ng isang kabang bigas, o yung mga pasalubong mo sa amin galing Bicol -- alimasag, langka, mangga. Ang lahat ng mga paborito ko. O kung paano mo kami binubuhat ni Juy nang sabay mula sa kuwarto hanggang kusina sa mga araw ng eskuwela.<br />
<br />
I am so grateful until today Lola, that we've shared so much memories together. Ako na ang suwerteng apo. Yung mga kaklase ko noong kinder, hatid-sundo ng school bus. Ako, hatid-sundo ng lola. Kumpleto ako lagi ng Simbang Gabi, kasi ako ang lagi mong sinasama. Ang sarap-sarap kumain noon kapag alimasag ang ulam. Sasabihin ko lang noon ang magic words, "Lola, pahimay." Simula pa ng naaalala ko, magkatabi na tayo sa kama hanggang sa makapag-abroad ako. Tapos bago tayo matulog noon, gabi-gabi tayong sabay nagdadasal at ang dami-dami nating pinag-uusapan. Gabi-gabi kitang sinasabihan ng, " Lola, wag ka muna mamamatay ha?" Tapos sasagot ka ng, "Oo, promise, katurog na."<br />
<br />
Maraming-maraming beses mo akong pinagtakpan sa mga aminado akong pagkakamali ko noong bata pa ako. Ikaw ang dahan-dahang nagbubukas ng pinto sa mga gabing umuuwi ako ng lasing para hindi ako mapagalitan ni daddy.<br />
<br />
Nung nakapagtrabaho ako sa abroad, Lola, tuwang-tuwa ako pag nags-skype tayo, tapos ipapakita ko sa iyo yung paldang tinahi ko para sa sarili ko. Alam kong proud na proud ka sa akin nun. Tuwing nagbabakasyon ako dito, hindi ko nakakalimutang pasalubungan ka. Tapos sasalubungin mo ako ng mahigpit na yakap. Pawi lahat ng lungkot at homesickness ko.<br />
<br />
<b>I know you've fought a hard battle, Lola Mang.<br />Did we win?<br />Of course, we did!</b><br />
Kita mo naman Lola, lahat kaming nagmamahal sa iyo, nagsasama-sama, inaalala lahat ng masasayang alaalang kasama ka. Hanggang sa huli Lola, naging strong ka.<br />
<br />
Nung nagka-echolalia ka noong October, ako at si Tita Jeanette ang nandun kasama ka sa ospital. The next few days after the ordeal, tinanong kita, "Eh ako, Lola, sino ako?" Tapos sabi mo, with soft and trembling voice, "Ikaw ang paborito kong apo." Nagkatinginan kaming lahat, at sinabi namin sa isa't isa, "Ay, okay na si Lola."<br />
<br />
Nung isang buwan na umuwi ako, nung pinakilala ko sa iyo si James, that was by far the most emotional moment in our Manila trip. Finally, you met him. It was an intense and beautiful feeling that the person who has taken care of me since I was young has finally met the person who will hopefully take care of me for the rest of my life. 'Di ba Lola, sabi mo sa kanya with trembling voice, "Please take care of her." Akala mo Lola ibang lahi, napa-ingles ka tuloy.<br />
<br />
Two days before kang nawala, nagkausap tayo sa telepono. Wala naman talaga tayong masyadong pinag-usapan, pero hindi ko mabilang kung ilang beses tayong nag- I love you sa isa't isa.<br />
<br />
Alam kong gustung-gusto mong lumaban. Your spirits are high. Pero madaya ang pisikal na katawan natin. Alam kong marami ka pang gustong ma-witness na mga mahahalagang pangyayari sa buhay naming lahat. Gusto mong maging present sa lahat ng okasyon. Pero I'm sure Lola Mang, mas maganda ang view dyan. From now on, you will have a better view of us -- Mabilis kang makakakilos... Hindi mo na kailangan ng mag-aakay sa iyo... Hindi ka na hihingalin sa mahabang lakad.<br />
<br />
I love you, Lola. Hindi ka na maghihirap. Sa mga panahong naiiyak ako kapag naalala kita, lagi kong sinasabi na nagiging selfish na naman ako. I always mention, "How do I live now, without you, Lola Mang?" imbes na ang sabihin ko, "I am grateful for all the years that I was given the opportunity to live and be taken care by you."<br />
<br />
Patuloy at patuloy kang mabubuhay sa puso ko, my favorite Lola Mang.<br />
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Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-38515981281633772932014-02-26T18:04:00.000+08:002014-02-26T18:04:32.686+08:00Life LessonsI have a colleague turned close friend / second father of nearly six years. It is very seldom to come across a person who has so much dedication with work, who has so much passion about life, whose feet have stayed on the ground even if he has journeyed a lot in his lifetime, who never fails to please everybody around him even at his own expense. I am blessed to have met a person such as this in my lifetime. I am blessed to have met and known Kuya Opet.<br />
<br />
His zest for work is incomparable. He has managed foreign workers very well. He hated time wasted. And even though he gets angry at his workers, they loved and respected him for being the professional that he is.<br />
<br />
He is one great epitome of a family guy. He regarded his family as his priority. He never failed to provide their needs, and even wants. He ensures that despite work commitments and living life abroad, he wouldn't fail to be present in all his kids' programs, graduations, birthdays and other special events.<br />
<br />
He has always been the father figure to me since I've been away from home for so many years. He has taught me so much about life in general. He has always been present and ever supportive in my little triumphs, whether at work or even in personal undertakings. He never failed to reach out to me during the gloomy phases of my life. He will pick me up at home everyday to work. And in return, I would sometimes cook for him his favorite adobo, which he heartily devours. He is one of the few people whom I can talk to with substance -- from politics, to current news and events, to work ethics, to family, to love, to life -- and we never ran out of stories to tell.<br />
<br />
I've had so much memories of him that whenever I remember, I laugh so hard until I end up crying. He has so much heart to give to the world, and with that, he has become my life peg.<br />
<br />
I have a colleague turned close friend / second father of nearly six years. And last Saturday, he died at the age of 42. Kuya Opet died of liver cirrhosis.<br />
<br />
All was shocked about the sudden news -- family, colleagues, friends. Two months ago, he was still the funny guy who never ran out of jokes, the Project Manager who always rush to get things done fast. But life always tricks us with reasons we don't even understand.<br />
<br />
I've never felt a strong paradigm shift in my life until he passed on. Kuya Opet never ceases to teach me life lessons even after he died. He taught me so many things because of his passing.<br />
<br />
When we have something to do, we have to do it now.<br />
When we have something to say, we say it now.<br />
When we want to apologize, we apologize now.<br />
When we want to go some place, we better start moving.<br />
When we have dream, we start realizing it now.<br />
When we want change, we should start now.<br />
All because, we won't know if tomorrow will still be given to us.<br />
We live life as if it's our last.<br />
<br />
It is in his passing that I have realized that though his life was brief, he has left a legacy that we will forever cherish. His loss created some kind of hole in my heart, that no matter what I do, I would still, from time to time cry for missing him. But at the same time, I am thankful for this hole in my heart that light can pass through it so I may always be enlightened, in everything I say, in everything I do, in every dream that I make come true.<br />
<br />
I will forever miss Kuya Opet dearly. And while most of the time I don't understand why life and death has to be like this, I will surely live life with zest, passion and full of hope just like him.Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-69088110088096893082014-01-15T18:03:00.000+08:002014-01-15T18:03:21.375+08:00Best Gift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">What's the best gift you've ever given to someone? Or the best gift you've given to your partner on the first month of your forever?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Well, aside from love, it can be a couple artwork you've painstakingly done, or poetry written with intense emotions. Or both.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">That is priceless.</span></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Unang Buwan ng Walang Hanggan</span></b></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Paano binibigkas ang mga nag-aalab na damdamin?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Paano iindayog sa tugtog ng mapagpalayang pag-ibig?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Paano tiniptipon ang alaalang dala ng bawat umaga?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Paano lalapatan ng himig ang titik na binibigkas ng mga labi?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Tinitipon ang sariling binasag ng kahapon</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Inaalam ang mga pangarap na minsan itinapon</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Kumakapit sa kakarampot na pag-asa</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Na minsang binuwal ng alaala</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bawat araw ay may masidhing paanyaya</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bawat gabi ay may kaakibat na pag-aasam</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Na makasama ka</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Na makapiling ka</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sa bawat salitang sinasambit</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">At mga titik na sa tingin lang kumakapit</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sa bawat hakbang</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">At pagtakbong walang pakialam</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sa bawat ngiti</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">At bawat hikbi</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hindi kailanman mailalapat sa salita</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ang dala ng simbuyo ng gunita</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Sabay tayong gumuhit ng larawan ng bukas</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hulmahin ang bawat pangarap</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Maghabi ng hindi malilimutang karanasan</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ikaw at ako hanggang kailanman</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Kay tagal kong naghintay</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Kaakibat ng poot ng nakaraan</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Wari'y hindi ininda ang hapo at pagal</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ngayo'y narito ka na, sinta</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Wala na akong hahanapin pa</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">---</span></b></span></span></div>
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Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-56037651424235261312014-01-01T12:14:00.000+08:002014-01-02T10:45:49.348+08:00Adieu, 2013I woke up today with a different kind of happiness. Others may say, it's just another day in another year. But it IS another day, and that puts a gleam in my heart.<br /><br />2013 has been a memorable year for me. It has been a mentor in insurmountable ways, the paradoxical teacher of learning the best and the worst.<br /><div>
<br />Fragments of events of the year passed came through my mind while I was having my coffee this morning. 2013 has tested my discernment on situations, my physical strength, my ability to love, my capability to endure.<br /><br />The first quarter of the year brought me to so much questioning in life, in love, in relationships, in my purpose. I was not living the moment as I have become anxious of the past and worrier of the future.<br /><br />There were major turn of events that has happened in the past year -- failed relationship, test of friendships, loss of self-purpose. Nevertheless, I am thankful that all these brought me to the path to enlightenment and self-gratification. All these have brought me to a realization, that in spite of my heart being broken, it will never get tired of loving and bringing back the zest for life I've always had.<br /><br />The last quarter of the year was by far, the most memorable. I woke up one day with a certain purpose in life. I began to realize that people will always come and go, and there are people, like true friends, who will choose to stay no matter how incorrigible your battles are. I brought back my confidence. I can stare at the mirror again, and say "I am beautiful." I am beautiful not only because I attract the good things life has continuously offering, but also because, out of billions of people in this world, there is one soul who saw what is really beautiful in me. Finally, I have realized that families will always be that pillar you'll always come back to lean on to. They make all the pain a lot bearable just by thinking they are always there. And, they make your everyday victories more rewarding and fulfilling.<br /><br />2013 has brought me so much battle scars. And here I am, ever so thankful that I have endured. Whatever the year has made of me, it definitely molded me into the beautiful person that I am now. I can't wait for better things to come.<br /><br />Adieu, 2013.<br />Hello, 2014. I am ready.</div>
Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-5827673568134199582013-11-18T11:32:00.001+08:002013-11-18T11:32:25.824+08:00Giving in the Midst of Emptiness<br />
I have been going through a lot of emotional turmoil lately. However, I am amazed at how I could extend help in spite and despite of my brokenness.<br />
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When typhoon Yolanda hit the central part of the Philippines, looking through all social networking sites was heartbreaking and devastating. The whole world has been talking about it. Friends and friends of friends expressed how we should help for the country.<br />
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And on that night, a few days ago, while lying down comfortably on my bed, I just couldn't take the fact that in spite of emptiness I feel inside, I am more blessed compared to the worries of the world. I had to be strong for my country. I had to be strong for the needs of the world. I had to put down my own worries that seemed too little compared to what is happening.<br />
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When I came to work the following day, I informed colleagues of the situation of the Philippines and sent a mass email of the initiative that I've thought of. Aside from asking them for old clothes to be sent to the Philippines, I informed them that I will be baking cupcakes for 2 days to sell to them, and all proceeds will be given to Philippine National Red Cross.<br />
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I was overwhelmed by the response and generosity of my colleagues. I've been baking cupcakes for them for free whenever I want to, and I bring it to work on a Monday just to fight the blues at the start of the week. But this time, I sold the cupcakes for $2 each. I was only expecting pledges amounting to around $100 but when I counted the money, it's more than double of what I am expecting. I shouldn't really be underestimating the goodness in people.<br />
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There have been meetings and events left and right for me so I really never had the chance to monitor the response. I just placed the cupcakes on the table with a container for the money to be placed. The whole initiative was based on honesty policy. Looking back, I actually liked the idea. The money we have put up was more than enough!<br />
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There were colleagues who just like eating cupcakes, so they bought. But little did they know that it was a win-win situation. While they enjoy the goodness of cupcakes, they are also helping people who are suffering in the Philippines. And there were mostly colleagues too, who doesn't have sweet tooth, never took even one cupcake, but placed their pledges into that container.<br />
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Later today, I will be sending the money to Philippine National Red Cross. It may not be much from the pledges others have made all over the world. But I believe that a little help is better than nothing.<br />
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I look at the heavens today with a different kind of gleam in my heart. In the last few days, I have underestimated myself too. I knew that I have channelled my attention, love, and care to unnecessary and unworthy people, things, and experiences. Little did I know that I can only find happiness within.<br />
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Today I am even more grateful to the Universe. Yolanda survivors may thank me for the little help that I did. But honestly, I should be thankful that this initiative has taught me so many things on the realization of my self-worth. I am starting to love myself more.<br />
<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-18405617778872826322013-09-08T12:26:00.000+08:002013-09-08T12:26:14.217+08:00Self Portrait 2013<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
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I woke up this morning with a very sudden and strong urge to draw.</div>
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And for me, one of the best therapy is drawing self portraits which I've mentioned <a href="http://oneblissfulnomad.blogspot.sg/2012/05/journey-inside.html" target="_blank">here</a>. But today, I drew me, naked. This process is overwhelming and awakening at the same time. Every curve, every stroke, every highlight give more reasons on what it really means to be alive.</div>
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Self Portrait 2013</div>
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Charcoal on Watercolor Paper</div>
Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-76287904820636993032013-08-23T16:06:00.000+08:002013-08-23T16:06:45.552+08:00What Happens After 100 DaysThe days dragged on that seemed like forever.<br />
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Four days ago was the 100th day.<br />
Two days ago must've been the 8th year.<br />
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Counting numbers that doesn't even give reasons to life. To death.<br />
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There've been so much questions. Yet afraid of answers.<br />
I am the truth. Yet you hold your own truth.<br />
Talking must've been good.<br />
But if flowers are not fragrant enough to blossom, let's rather keep our silence.<br />
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The world is filled with suffering.<br />
Neither you, nor I is spared.<br />
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I've kept myself immersed with the world.<br />
I am empty. But unashamed.<br />
From here springs forth infinite possibilities.<br />
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If, one day, God wills, we cross each other's paths,<br />
spare US a moment.<br />
That time was never wasted.<br />
Never even thought it was.<br />
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I am sorry for hurting you.<br />
I am sorry for hurting me.<br />
I am sorry for hurting US.<br />
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It was a beautiful love.<br />
Until WE died.<br />
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<br />Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-30345266277143916782013-07-29T09:34:00.000+08:002013-07-29T09:34:03.308+08:00UnattachmentWhy are you unnecessarily worrying?<br />
Whom do you fear?<br />
Who can kill you?<br />
Soul is neither born nor does it dies.<br />
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What has happened has happened for the best.<br />
What is happening is happening for the best.<br />
What will happen will happen for the best.<br />
Do not brood over the past.<br />
Do not worry about the future.<br />
The present is on.<br />
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What is lost, that you are weeping?<br />
What have you brought, that you have lost?<br />
What have you made, that have been destroyed?<br />
You brought not anything.<br />
What you have, you got from here.<br />
What you took, you took from this Universe.<br />
What you gave, you gave unto this Universe.<br />
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You have come empty handed and shall go empty handed.<br />
What is yours today was somebody else's in the past and will be somebody else's in the future.<br />
You think it is yours and are deeply engrossed in it.<br />
This attachment is the cause of all your sorrows.<br />
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---<br />
This message was sent to me by one of the people whom I regard as a second mother. The message came at the time I needed answers to questions that kept on lingering. And how amazing to know that it can be answered through questions.<br />
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I've been liking the word "Unattachment" lately. It is far different from the word detachment. I realized that when I embrace reality with unattachment, I do things with immense passion and with a sense of purpose, and just offer to the Universe whatever the outcome is. And apparently, it makes a lot of difference.Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-42200632811476678162013-07-28T14:39:00.000+08:002013-07-28T14:39:10.777+08:00Dear Future LoveWhen I woke up this morning, I thought about you.<br />
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We may have met or we may have not, nevertheless, I still thought about you. When I think of you, there is no face, gender, look or voice that comes up. I just want to think that you will exist in my future. And that realization alone, suffice.<br />
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I guess I am liking the fact that I don't have any expectation of you. I just want to have a companion in life who can talk about anything and everything, whom I can exchange laughters and tears with, who will accept and respect me for who I am and who I was. The rest can be compromised.<br />
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You see, I write this letter to you at the time that I am broken. Or rather I would say, at the time, I am slowly picking myself up from being broken. I already passed the stage of curling myself up in bed in almost all nights, waking up from swollen eyes due to tears that lulled me to sleep. Though, of course there are still nights, but quite a few now compared to the previous days. I already started to go out of the house to get some real sun, reach out to friends, and wear a smile on my face.<br />
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Now, I am already preparing myself for our meeting. I want to call this phase as the preparation stage before finally meeting you. I know you are also preparing to meet me too. I have changed, but I assure you it's all for the better. Though I still weep at mushy love movies and I still scream at sweet surprises, I am now a person who likes to live in the "now," who have cleared the baggage of the past (and does not even intend to carry more in the future).<br />
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In my life, I've already given so much love. But surprisingly, there will still be lots of it reserved for you. I am being patient. I know you are worth the wait. We have a lifetime to spend with each other.<br />
<br />
See you soon, future love.Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-86781654315133747232013-06-18T15:04:00.000+08:002013-06-18T15:04:07.491+08:00Shared BedroomSince I was born, I never had my own room. I grew up sharing a room with my sister. Even if we have separate beds, we talk and do things even after our mom turns off the lights at night. The walls were filled with doodles and illustrations of our growing up years. We even had freedom walls in our teenage years to fill up with our favorite quotes, our feelings for the day, frustrations, heartbreaks, happy times, and memorable photos. When our dad bought us a radio, we would always listen to our favorite radio station to lull us to sleep. We shared stuff, clothes, and conversations. Even if there were times in the past that I envy friends who got their own rooms, I was generally happy to share a room with my sister. It was not all sunny days, but memories are worth remembering.<br />
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After 29 years, I know now how it feels to have a room on my own. Since I came here in this country, I have shared a room with somebody -- somebody whom I have shared conversations with in the middle of the night too, whom I have exchanged pats on the back when our day's gone bad, whom I have shared a tissue box with while watching my favorite drama series on TV, among many others.<br />
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Having a room all by myself is such an overwhelming feeling. I regard it as a very good way to enlightenment. Slowly, I am beginning to seize the moment I share with myself. This was the time I realized how much I missed myself and how much I owe to my spiritual growth. My time, my thoughts, my actions are my own. And no matter how paradoxical it is, being alone by myself paves the way to connect and re-connect to others.<br />
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Others will have haircuts. While others will go places. In my case, I re-arranged and cleaned my room to signal change, new beginning, and a little step to moving on. The days have been tedious, challenging, and heart-breaking. But ultimately, I have a heart which never gets tired of breaking.<br />
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PS:<br />
I've been on a long hiatus. It took me tons of guts to get back on track. Please bear with the nomad who is having a hard time to be blissful.Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3365723028806382198.post-82717889575673232672013-02-25T18:30:00.000+08:002013-02-25T18:30:14.960+08:00Chinese New Year House Party<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's my second year to be invited in an authentic Chinese New Year house party. And in a way, I have learned so much from previous year's mistake.<br />
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As a tradition when invited to Chinese New Year house parties, guests should bring at least 2 mandarin oranges. The first time I was invited last year, I brought another kind of oranges (because I thought since they're more expensive, they're luckier). All my Chinese friends made fun out of it. Until this day, whenever we remember, we could not help but laugh. I felt so foreign.<br />
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But this year, I feel like a true blue Chinese. Luckily, my sister was in town so I brought her to her first Chinese New Year house party. I taught her the house rules. Each of us brought two mandarin oranges and a hamper filled with Pinoy goodies-- all of which are my boss-friend's favorites. We ate steamboat for dinner. After which, the card game began. I'm not quite sure if my sister was amazed that I am finally conversational in Mandarin. And most of the time laugh at how my accent changed over the years. My adaptability process is just amazing, I myself is at awe.<br />
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Ended the day with a lucky draw of hong bao. Red packets are filled with money in different denominations -- 38SGD, 28SGD, 18SGD, 8SGD & 6SGD. My sister and I both got 8 dollars inside our red packets. :-) It feels like Christmas all over again.<br />
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<i>*Photo courtesy of my sister, Christine.</i>Earla Janice Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10440180490351962434noreply@blogger.com0