Thursday, November 5, 2015

Losing Balance

He took as much photos as he could.
He took as much photos of us as he could.
He looked around and snapped in all angles, as if wanting to encapsulate all those memories he's had over the years.

He pressed my hand, hugged tightly.
We exchanged our last glances, as my throat slowly becomes painful.
I looked up, breathed in as much air as I could, and looked away.

At the Changi Airport Terminal 3, Departure Area,
sending off our Kuya Mark to share to the world.

Tonight was the night, the Kuya I once never had, finally left to follow his heart's desires.
Tonight was the night, our Kuya Mark left.

We were such a good team.
The three of us, James, me, and our Kuya Mark.

James would always bully me, and Kuya Mark always rescues me.
Kuya Mark would crave for some blueberry pancakes or scones, and we would look forward to the weekend so we could bring him the ones that I cooked and baked.
Kuya Mark would give James stuff that he likes, even those that were gifts from people.
Kuya Mark would willingly give me all the bacon in his plate, and he won't feel bad at all.
We would go to picnics, cycle at parks, eat at posh restaurants, eat at hawker centres, eat chips in the middle of the night, watch movies, watch sappy movies, watch tagalog movies, swim together, grill barbecue, laugh at each other, laugh at other people.

We were such a good team.
We've never lost our balance until today.

I looked at James tonight and said, "Paano na yan, tayo na lang."

I was not really good in handling goodbyes, especially the sudden ones. Nobody has prepared me for this, and there will never be getting used to.

And while we pray that our Kuya Mark will start to smile genuine smiles, and laugh ceaselessly until his stomach aches, James and I pray for that day that somehow, we'd finally find balance in this lost equilibrium.