Little Flower Wilting

Maybe it would be nice if a weeping soul would step into a world where everything and everyone would want to need her... and would choose freely to love her.


Why pick a beautiful flower growing in the wild just to throw it away when the beauty fades?



Little.

Flower.

Wilting.

Monday Blues

I'm reminded of what my dad always tells me ever since I was still young. "Smile, and the world smiles with you. Cry and you cry alone." This photo was taken on a Monday sunset, while I was looking through a window in the pantry in my Makati office. It was a gloomy sunset, I may say. And I felt, that this time, the world weeps with me.

I'm finally relieved that the week is finally over. And that Monday sunset made me realize that there'd still be hope for what tomorrow will bring. Sigh. One last tear for the week.

1st of September

It's the first day of September and I'm feeling this birthday blues again. Why do I have to feel this every year? Feels like I want to hibernate again. Well, anyway, this may be the first time I will be sharing my birthday wishes.

1. World Peace
I know it sounds so cliche-ic but what the heck, the world's so chaotic already. And we need this, because I believe, if there's peace, there's love.

2. Peace of Mind
My mind's too cluttered always. Oftentimes, I don't get something well-done because I have a lot of things in mind. I need to re-boot my system and have a clearer and cleaner state of mind.

3. Piece of Cake
Last year, when I was in China, I got a 3-layered cake, and even an orange cake. It was an extravagant birthday. But this year, it's fine with me if I'd just have even a slice of cake, as long as I have my loved ones with me.

_____________________________________________


CONVERSATION 101

*** : uy, wag ka nga magtext dito. delikado.

+++ : ah talaga? eh bakit?

*** : alam mo, wala ng lugar na safe ngayon sa mundo.

+++ : sa bagay, kahit jan siguro sa puso mo hindi rin safe eh. but it's all woth risking.

*** : pero safe ka dito sa akin, I'm telling you now.

_____________________________________________

082207

I got sore eyes. And today's the fourth day. This is different from having a headache, or colds, or cough, I guess. Because this is contagious. I couldn't go to office, I might transfer the virus. I can't meet up anyone, even just over coffee because no one wants to share this annoying virus I am carrying. And bottomline is, I cant go anywhere. Or to make that line even more brutal, I can't go OUT. And I hate it, because I am not a home buddy. My feet are itchy for travels and places. I just can't be stuck in one place. Four days, almost like forever, I've been wanting to smell manila pollution again, and sweat, and get irritated with traffic and undisciplined people in MRT. Added to that, nothing has happened on my long weekend. Much as I hate it, I stayed at home.

But it's not that lonely, dear reader. Someone gave it a little bit of a spice. Yesterday, someone came up to our door, and knocked. A delivery man from a flower shop. Oh, a bouquet of gorgeous pink roses for someone who has been a bum for days! I loved it soo much. I almost forgot about the sore eyes. And that headache simply went away just like that.


And to you, who's hoping that I'd be happy always, well... you made that prayer answered. You got my heart. *wink*

Oratio Imperata

Have you ever heard Cardinal Gaudencio Rosales' prayer for the rain, or what we catholics call, Oratio Imperata? Since the start of the water crisis, Sunday masses have always been a little bit longer than the usual, because of this prayer. I even had a funny thought. With so many catholics in the Philippines who'll be demanded to say this prayer, maybe it'll much likely to be a typhoon. After a few days, it rained. Three days ago, it started raining. Looking at the rain I thought, it's not cloud seeding anymore, but a prayer answered.

Streets have been flooded all over the Metro. No classes in most of the schools (Bad for me, I'm not in school anymore). There are no electricity in some areas in Manila. Quite a number of people have died in some areas in Luzon due to landslides. And even if it's not summer, there have been reported to have twisters in some parts of Luzon.

I now believe that God really does answers prayers. If we only believe. But like in any other prayer, He doesn't give it the easiest way, even if you are the most favorite child. It's either we have to wait, or we need to sacrifice and have terms and conditions with God. Like in this case, some people have to put their lives in danger, or worse, die, just to have an ample amount of water in the Philippines on the next days to come.

PS:
Hay. If we have thought of that earlier, we should've taken care of our natural habitat and resources properly.

I had a hard time coming to the office. No one to send me. No one to pick me up. Now I'm starting to believe that I need to learn to be alone, which I actually fear of learning. Because the moment I have learned to be on my own, I might not need anyone to be there for me. And that's scary.

STOPOVER.

The pilgrim has finally ceased to move, for now.
The traveler, sometimes, needs to have a stopover.

After countless times of travelling and walking, and running, literally and figuratively, I've decided to have a stopover. I am now working in Makati for almost two weeks now, and I'm loving every moment of it.

Career mode muna ko. For now.

A moment with my past

I never imagined na dito pa sa lugar na ito at sa moment na ito kami magkakadaupang palad. (Este magkakadaupang nitso pala...)

My FAVORITE Person

She held and pressed my hand for the last time, then the tricycle I was riding on went away...

It was my last memory of her. I'd be counting again years just to be able to see her again, and be with her, and have that hug that I've always had when she comes home. This time is diffrent from the past coming home. Because this time, her coming back to the Philippines has never been uncertain than this.

She's almost more than one hour in flight to Nagoya. She'll be busy again, preparing for her next trip that have crushed my heart so many times. She's migrating to US with her husband, and meatball. We will be at the world's both ends. Too far from each other. Coudn't contain the thought, that while I gaze at a beautiful sunrise, she wonders at the sight of the moon.

She went to the Philippines ahead of me. While I was just about to ride the plane from Singapore to Manila, she has just landed Manila from Japan. I would have wanted to stay in Malaysia because I'm still at the verge of having a good career soon. But knowing that she will be coming home and stay just for less than a week, I immediately decided to go home, and catch up with her, and spend moments with her, before she goes far, farther than where she is now.

We've been friends for more than 5 years. Words could not express how important and significant she is in my life. She has never ever failed on me. She was the only person who never fails to give me clothes that really fit, no matter how big or slim I have become. She makes wonderful and teary-eyed surprises, wherever I am and whenever she wants to, even without occasions. She treats me to places I have never been to. She taught me the word "bubblewrap" and the small pack inside bags and shoes that says "do not eat" (sorry, forgot the word again). She hugs as if you wouldn't want to let go. She has always been there, from my lowest to the victories of my life. She has been a nurturing mother. She always argues with me. She makes me cry a lot. She makes me see things differently.

She will always be my favorite person.
Who says no soul can keep a long distance relationship?
Our friendship has been tested by the tides of times. And though most of the times, we are away from each other, our friendship continues to grow and stay strong.






Me and my favorite person in our favorite Starbucks venue (Starbucks, Bayview Park Hotel, U.N. Ave. Manila)


I'll be definitely missing you again, just like those other times you left. You may think I am not appreciative at times, but I hope being proud of you, and letting the world wide web that you are my favorite person would at least give a smile in your heart.


I love you MIN.
You will always be my favorite person.


PS:
And oh, it gave me a little relief when you told me "di bale, susunod ka naman eh..." I don't want to expect, but knowing you've said that, gives me even a bit of a hope. And thank you din, dahil anjan ka, habang nagluluksa ako.

I want to be...

1. A BARISTA!

When I was still in China, Karla and I have always dreamed to be a barista at Starbucks. I never had the chance to apply here in the Philippines because my mind was too preoccupied with so many things, and I was thinking that if ever I work as a barista here in the Philippines, it has to be somewhere far, where there would be little or no chance that someone might bump into me, and would ask me what the hell happened to me! That's why when I was in Malaysia, friends pushed me to sign up and apply. But of course, I left Malaysia already, and it's too late for them to call now or on the next days to come.


2. A HOTEL SINGER!

I was at Diamond Hotel with Min the other day and I saw and heard a guy singing his heart out. It was so beautiful and almost perfect. I've sung so many times in different places, but just for the fun of it. I've always loved singing. And I thougt that if ever I would make it as a career, I will never get tired of pleasing people from all walks of life.


3. A CHILDREN'S BOOK ILLUSTRATOR

I know this is new. I was at a bookstore yesterday trying to look for another good book to read, but I end up looking at illustrated children's books, with which some of the illustrators carry very familiar names. And a thought got into my mind. I wanted to draw for these books. I want to make children happy. This is the newest added to all the dreams I want to pursue. So if anyone of my readers is in great need of my services, I can offer you help! for free even! I just want to be a children's book illustrator!


When I had the chance to be alone with myself a few days back, I got a lot of time to reflect on things and circumstances. I've realized that I got so many plans in mind. Having so many plans and so many destinations to go to, and so many paths to take, I always end up on a detour. It got me nowhere else to go. And though I have a list here of the things I want to be, I have a career path that I am taking. And nobody can ever stop me from climbing up that ladder. Min told me about a saying that her father told her that she will never forget.

"A rolling stone gathers no moss."

It was something I will never forget. even maybe in my lifetime. During the last few weeks, I felt I kept on rolling. I never stopped at one place. I didn't dwell on what's really essential. on what's really necessary. And becasue of it, I gathered no moss. I gathered nothing.

Everything's coming into proper places now for me, I guess.

For now, I just want to keep still.
I don't want to keep on rolling.
So I can start to gather moss.

i lost count.

Last night was really a night to remember. That, I must say. I drank 3 glasses of vodka then 3 more frozen margaritas, then i lost count. I met a very wonderful chinese guy, Jackie. Now, i have someone to talk to, i gotta practice my mandarin language. In exchange of that, I'm teaching him the Filipino language. We went to The Zon where we had a few glasses at The Palm lounge where the singers and dancers are all Filipino. (woohoo! proud me!) Ater that, we danced the night away (I claim to say, my favorite bar now :P) at Handle Bar were interiors are all harley davidson and plus, got a very great band I will never forget.

I've been here in JB (Johor Bahru, Malaysia) for five days now. I'm loving every moment of it now than the last time I went here. I eat good food. I meet a whole bunch of very good and friendly people that came all over the world. I drink so much without thinking of what tomorrow will bring. I live in a good home. I've got so many nice places to go to. I can swim whenever I want to. What more can you possibly ask in a place where you could almost feel heaven?

I almost forgot the job in Singapore. Gotta be there in a few days.

At least, I can say, I'm getting on putting myself right back on track. That's a good sign for me.

Happy.
Lucky.
Earla baby. :)


PS:
I almost forgot about Big brother. What the hell happened to that loveteam?

Another Land Conquered.

The moon was in full when my family and I went off to conquer Nasugbu, Batangas. It was the last hirit of a summer getaway before I finally go to Singapore and Malaysia. I have always loved Philippine beaches. And I loved every moment I was there.

Everything in the whole trip mesmerized me. Here's a list to the things I have done and conquered (that you people in China would be so dead-jealous of)... :P

1. The beach has it's own unique and friendly waves. Local people told me that unlike in La Union that beaches have big and dangerous waves, Batangas waters have "friendly waves." Just enough to learn amatuer surfing. *wink*

2. I met a rasta-slash-henna-slash-surfer guy! Just imagine this dear reader. My cousin and I were strolling the beach while we saw this astig reggae place that says "HENNA TATTOO." On this shop were surf boards that were designed. and mind you, people, can be rented at a cheaper price. With FREE surfing lessons. (Or maybe that case was just for me. hehe) My cousin wanted to have her henna done so we stayed there and saw that guy. He was in his aviator shades and with dreadlocks done in his hair. The only rasta guy I know who doesn't drink liquor nor smoke. Before he started doing the Henna tattoo on my cousin, he played reggae music. big mountain that is. Everything I love was right there in front of me. I love that rasta guy. :)

3. After the Henna done on my cousin, it's my turn. I was a liitle bit scared but who would have thought that I can take lessons on surfing not in siargao, or even in la union, but just right here in this uncommercialized place. I had my first ever surfing lessons! With only one session, I was able to ride the surf board and stand up. I just need "trimming," that was what the rasta guy said. But hey! I'm starting to love this dream sport that became a reality. I conquered SURFING! yeah!

4. I also learned the basics of skimboarding. Skimboarding (or skimming) by the way, as defined by wikipedia is a sport which involves riding a board on wet sand or shallow water. I tried that too. The nicest thing about this is that when I fall, I get to stand up and try again, just like surfing. No matter how much saltwater got into my ears and nose, I need to get up, and try to be with the waves again.

5. This place got a bunch of the nicest people in the world. We were treated VIP! woohoo!

6. I missed that bulalo in Tagaytay. Before we went off to Batangas, we stopped at a Bulaluhan in Tagaytay to eat lunch.

7. Though I've been a Starbucks addict, it was still different to stop by Tagaytay on our way home and grab our favorite frapuccinos. And oh, Hannah got that strawberry lollipop, too. Priced at 30PHP. (Di ba piso lang ang lolipop?)

8. I finally got to be with my family before leaving Philippines again. I missed them and I have loved every single moment I was with them. It was something. Everything was almost perfect.

I loved Nasugbu, Batangas. I need to go back there. Anyone coming with me? :)

Oh Galera Sun!

Tumakas ako sa tunay na mundo noong isang araw.
Gumising ng maaga mula sa isang gabing puyatan at nagdesisyong sumama kay Chris papuntang Puerto Galera!
At muli kong inakap ang init ng araw ng Pilipinas...
at lumangoy sa agos ng malalaking alon...
at walang humpay na nagtampisaw sa kaibig-ibig na dalampasigan...
Nagpakalango sa alak...
At tinanggap ang lahat ng bagong hamon sa aking kapanapanabik at mala-teleseryeng buhay...

Nais niyo bang sumilip? Bisitahin na lamang ang aking multiply account :)

Happy viewing everyone! :)

On love songs, PBB, and pinoy telenovelas...

The road I have traveled on,
Is paved with good intentions.
It's littered with broken dreams,
That never quite came true.
When all of my hopes were dying,
Her love kept me trying.
She does her best to hide,
The pain that she's been through.

When she cries, at night,
And she doesn't think that I can hear her.
She tries, to hide,
All the fear she feels inside.
So I pray, this time,
I can be the man that she deserves.
'Cos I die a little each time,
When she cries.

She's always been there for me,
Whenever I've fallen.
When nobody else believes,
She'll be there by my side.
I don't know how she takes it,
Just once, I'd like to make it,
Then there'll be tears of joy,
That fill her lovin' eyes.

When she cries, at night,
And she doesn't think that I can hear her.
She tries, to hide,
All the fear she feels inside.
So I pray, this time,
I can be the man that she deserves.
'Cos I die a little each time,
When she cries.


So I pray, this time,
I can be the man that she deserves.
'Cos I die a little each time,
When she cries.
-------------------------------


To my friends and readers, just an update. :) I'm currently loving this song. Theme song yan ni bruce at wendy. you know them? They're the Pinoy BIg Brother housemates that have become lovers inside the house, which makes me teary eyed every night and oh-so-kilig...
Oh how i miss all these mushy stuffs, and pinoy love stories. I also currently love watching Walang Kapalit and Maging Sino Ka Man. I'm coming home. I'm bringing mushy-ness back.


I'm in lalalalalav.....

PS:
Oo na jologs na. bakit ba. namiss ko kaya. :P

KARLA-less

definition: the state of living and getting a life without Karla.

One major thing maybe why i so miss china is that it comprises mostly of my Karla memories. She is my one major fan when it comes to my cooking. I always felt I'm the best cook when she's the one eating. We always have this exchange of thoughts and views about anything and everything about the world. I find it cute that a tall girl like her hides from a little girl like me when watching horror and suspense movies. You wouldn't imagine how kilig we are when we start watching our favorite koreanovelas.

The first time we saw each other, we clicked at once. Don't you find it funny, dear readers, that we have a lot of things exactly the same or exactly opposite. To name a few, here are some:

1. With just our names, only the first letter has changed.
2. We're just like Samson and Goliath.
3. We share same views on love and life.
4. While I love cooking for her, she loves eating what I cook too.
5. And while I was living 23 years of my life NBSB, she's lost count with her boys. haha!

Enough said, I might be enumerating things I shouldn't. LOL

Oh, Karla... I just so miss her.
Just getting used to be Karla-less.





(Karla eating nilagang baboy, which she said nilagang baka, at sarap na sarap :P)

Mono No Aware

Wikipedia simply defines it as “the pathos of things” or “the awareness of the transience of things.”

Motoori Norinaga (1730-1801), a literary and linguistic scholar, clearly explains the concept of mono no aware. “Mono” means things. And “aware” means sensitivity. It is simply the aesthetic empathy of things and feelings; deep impressions produced by small things; sympathetic sadness; an intense, nostalgic sadness, connected with autumn and the vanishing away of the world; a serene acceptance of a transient world; a gentle pleasure found in mundane pursuits soon to vanish. He said it is the central aesthetic concept of Japan even up to this modern day period. Mono no aware is a unique culture known to Japanese, the capacity to experience the objective world in a direct and unmediated fashion, to understand sympathetically the objects and the natural world around one without resorting to language or other mediators. The Japanese could understand the world directly in identifying themselves with that world.

In his popular novel, Musashi, the story of Japan’s best-known swordsman, Yoshikawa Eiji writes describes mono no aware from the warrior’s perspective: In the case of the samurai there is such a thing as an appreciation of the poignancy of things… a real samurai, a genuine swordsman has a compassionate heart, he understands the poignancy of life.

I have always been hooked to Japanese culture, literature and aesthetics. They have mainly accepted that sadness is an essential ingredient of life. And maybe this is sort of co-related with Thomas Jefferson’s Pursuit of Happiness, that it is an unalienable Right as a kind of denial of the rightful place of sadness in human experience—that in pursuing happiness we are simultaneously fleeing sadness. (I needed to watch that film. My sister said it is good.)

My dear friend Min sent me this picture. Sakura blossomed already, and every year she sees them, she’s always reminded of me. I loved sakura blossoms the way I see them in pictures. Everything is all in pink. And if ever I’d be going to Japan, I’ll make it a point to go during this time of the year, so that I could see and feel sakura blossoms first hand.

Why does everybody loves sakura? I, for one would be willing to die just to get a glimpse of Sakura blossoms. In pictures, it looked more than breathtaking, and whimsical, what more if they are right in front of me?

The nicest thing about these blossoms is that they are fugacious. They will be in full bloom for one week or so, and then suddenly fades away. Just like our fleeting lives. The more we embrace “mono no aware,” the more we make our lives fulfilling and more meaningful.

That’s the way I live my life, I always make every move into full bloom. By the time I pass in this transitory world, people will always remember that person who blossomed well (and made the world pink) in her living years.

Christmas Hang Over

This was written few weeks ago. Started just before Christmas day, but everytime I had the chance to post, I dont know what stops me. Maybe now, I am ready. :)

Questions and Answers:

What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Live and work in this country far from family and loved ones. Cook my own food. Wash my own clothes. Tidy up things and clean up my bed.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I barely can remember my new year’s resolutions. but maybe, I was able to keep them in one way or another.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
yup. Dami ko na inaanak!

Did anyone close to you die?
not that close. But yes.

What countries did you visit?
China! Oh, what a long visit…

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Direction. More responsibility. Peace of Mind. Calmness of heart.

What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Days before I left Philippines. One moving experience for me. One big leap. Saying goodbye to my old routine and familiar faces and just waking up in a new world has been a roller coaster ride.

My first ever Disneyland day!  it’s every child’s dream you know…

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Work and live on my own.  Added to that, in a foreign land.

And I was able to give my sister the opportunity to ride her first plane, to set foot in a foreign land, and see Mickey and Minnie Mouse live!

A successful Toy Show/Exhibit in Hong Kong last October. I’ve got so many projects that were showcased. 

What was your biggest failure?


Did you suffer illness or injury?
had a black eye because it was hit by something.

What was the best thing you bought?
I bought myself a mobile phone from my own hardship and perspiration.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Me. 

and my good friend pau chavez.  di ko man siya napanood sa Philippine idol, and I felt sorry she was voted out, I’m still so proud of her. I remember kinantahan niya pa lang ako last year nung birthday ko sa Panay Kalipay, ngayon, star na siya.  Pau, I am so proud of you.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?


Where did most of your money go?
Family, travel, and savings for the FUTURE 

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
February is nearly is coming  Finally, I’ll be able to breathe manila pollution again.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2006?


Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Must be happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? FATTER!
iii. richer or poorer? FATTER! Ahahaha!

What do you wish you'd done more?
Focus. Sense of Purpose.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
staying up too late. buying things that are unnecessary.

How many one-night stands?
nada.

What was your favorite TV program?
oh I so miss pinoy teleserye! And pinoy big brother!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes. But I had to let go of the feeling very soon. This is bad.

What was the best book you read?
Have read a lot of books this 2006. Number one pa din ang itim na aklat ni Bob Ong.

What was your greatest musical discovery?


What did you want and get?
inner sense of happiness.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Sorry haven’t watched films lately. But I’ve seen a great Japanese film on DVD, entitled, “Shinobi.” And Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

And oh, I love trans-america.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I celebrated my 23rd birthday at Bao Li Hotel, here in China, with my new found family. I had a dimsum and dumplings party, with orange custard and I blew an orange cake! Haven’t done that for years!

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More places to go to.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
well, have experienced winter…  this summer-lovin’ gal has finally loved wearing boots and scarves. :P

What kept you sane?
My oh-so-very-good friend, MIN. 

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?


What political issue stirred you the most?
same old GMA and corruption issues

Who did you miss?
Everyone and everything I left back in the Philippines.

Who was the best new person you met?
I’ve met a lot of people this year. But I can say that the family I’ve known here are the best people in 2006.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
I’ve learned it the hard way.

“nobody REALLY has anybody”

and that LOVE is actually a BIG word.

What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself:
I’ve matured a lot.

The most touching experience you've had this year?
Watching fireworks display with a special person in Disneyland while all the Disney songs were being played.

What did you like most about yourself this year?
I’m becoming more independent and responsible each passing day.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?
too crybaby.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:


Was 2006 a good year for you?
yeah, I think so.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
Too special to tell you dear reader.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?


Where were you when 2006 began?
in the Philippines.

Who were you with?
At home with my family. Lighting up fireworks with my sisters and cousins.

Where will you be when 2006 ends?
We plan to have a New year’s countdown in Hongkong. And be at World Carnival.

Who will you be with when 2006 ends?
with my new found family. 

Do you have a new years resolution for 2007?
be a better person. With more purpose. And more direction.

What was your favorite month of 2005?
late October and early November.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?


Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Everyone I left back home.

What was your favorite record from 2006?


How many concerts did you see in 2006?
none.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2006?
Yeah. Too much.

Do a lot of drugs in 2005?
no.

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
yeah.

How much money did you spend in 2006?
I don’t want to know.

What was your proudest moment of 2006?
When I’ve finally decided to work and live on my own.

What was your most embarrassing moment of 2006?


If you could go back in time to any moment of 2006 and change something, what would it be?
I should have been a good person.

What are your plans for 2007?
work really hard. And save.

How are you different now that the year has ended?
I may say that for a few months I have stayed in here in China, I have changed a lot. I’ve had so many realizations and re-learnings and re-discoveries that happens to be necessary on my journey.

What are your wishes for the new year?
Good health for me and my family and loved ones.
More opportunities to be able to make a mark in the world.
Love. And inner peace.


Christmas 2006

Maligayang Pasko.
Maligaya ang Pasko.

No simbang gabi.
No caroling.
No puto bumbong.
No bibingka.
No Christmas Tree.
No Kare kare.
No lechon.
No family.
No relatives.
No friends & loved ones.
No scent of Filipino Christmas.

This was my first ever. Yes, my dear reader, this is my first Christmas far different from all Christmases I’ve spent for 22 years of my life. This was my first time to celebrate Christmas away from my home, my family and loved ones. This was my first time to celebrate with my new found family here in China. This was my first winter Christmas.

I’ve had mixed emotions. I’ve felt excitement and happiness and eagerness to spend Christmas in a foreign land, with people I’ve only known for a few months but have made my life here in China worthwhile and fulfilling. On the 24th, I couldn’t count how many times I cried, or how many minutes every crying moment have lasted, some of them, with audiences, most of them, without. Yes, this is what they call, Christmas blues. I’ve realized it wasn’t really a nice feeling at all. But still Christmas has to pass. And it has to be a memorable one.

Just before lunch time, Karla and I went off to the grocery to buy ingredients for our share for “Noche Buena.” Then we cooked and prepared. It was almost 12 midnight when we finished. And finally, Noche Buena with my new family has begun. I prepared kaldereta, fried chicken, and coffee jelly for dessert. Others have prepared spaghetti, binagoongan, crispy pata, chopsuey, macaroni salad…and the list goes on… The table was so full of all these dishes we used to prepare during Christmas in the Philippines. It was a sumptuous Noche Buena. And then it was followed by our kris kringle. It was a whole lot of fun. I got the name, “Push the button to eject teacher,” which I knew eventually was Hera. The ceiling for our gifts is 100RMB (roughly about Php 600+). Whoever she was, I thought, I need to give something that would make her Christmas memorable. I started on with a speech before finally giving Hera the gift.

I know you really would want to know what I gave her. To readers below 18, beep beep. I bought her a vibrator. (A friend, after telling the story, told me in exact words, “it’s nice you encourage exploration”) yes. exploration. haha.

Malen picked my name. The whole time that she was telling me how funny the name of whom she has picked, she didn’t know it was me. Who would have thought I will choose a name as funny as “LUNINGNING?” Funny as it may seem, I have reasons.

I can say it was a memorable Christmas-- a Christmas I am lucky enough to celebrate and feel, and experience. Next year, I don’t know where I would be celebrating Christmas, but for sure, like all Christmases I’ve had and will be having; I have to make sure it should be a memorable one.


A happy JOKE

When you’re feeling low wherever you go,
In your purse is a curse that I bestow.

Hold it right.
Squeeze it tight and hear the laughter break;
It is “I” with my hand that your shoulder I take.

For in this time when you feel
There’s no where else to go,
Silently I pray for you
I laugh with you….

Never again to be blue.

I received this. My first ever and only Christmas gift that I have received across the miles. Not from my family, but from a very good friend. I don’t usually talk about her in most of my entries. Not just because I don’t want to share her with just anybody, but simply because of the thought that, “if I write something about her, it should be something more than the ordinary…” But hey, I caught myself writing about her now. Maybe I just couldn’t contain how happy I am having her.

Min is a friend of more than five years. She has always been my solace, always makes me feel special… always keeps me sane. She just knows the right things to say, the perfect moments to say or do things. We talk about almost everything in this world. She taught me about life’s cruelties and subtleties.

We’ve shared a lot of experiences. We’ve been to a lot of places. We’ve been to a lot of restaurants. We’ve taken almost every minute of our extra time to talk and talk and talk. We’ve used up a lot of tissues for our unending crying moments. We’ve laughed our hearts out to many jokes.

We’ve stayed in the Philippines. She left for Japan. I was still in the Philippines then. She came back to the Philippines. I left for China. She came back to Japan. I have proven with our friendship that distance will never ever be a hindrance to a strong relationship.

I have faith that we will see each other soon. And be able to do the things we’ve used and loved to do.
I love my friend so much. And if there would be only one friend left, I would want it to be her. Just her. And I am safe.

to love is to love...is to love...is to bleed?

He said...

...

Tonight will be the last night ...

The last night I will relive our last time together.

Tonight will be the last night that I beg God to send you back to me...

The last night that I will criticize myself for not being what you wanted.

Tonight will be the last night that I wonder how you are...
what you are doing and who you are with....
The last night I will torment myself of thoughts of you in another's arms.

Tonight will be the last night I wonder why you are unable to love me...
The last night that I will think of myself as 'unlovable.'

Tonight will be the last time I cry like a wounded animal till I fall asleep...
The last night that I toss and turn with thoughts of you.

Tonight I will free myself of you...
You who turned and walked away without so much as a glance.

Tonight I let you go....

...

She said...

...

You are one of those books I joyfully picked

And wholeheartedly read…

One of those books I liked and chose to love.

One of the best books ever written.

But like all books, they’d all come to its last page.

The story would have its last chapter,

And would finally be put into a shelf.

Secured. Well kept.

Nevertheless, I’d soon catch myself reading the same old story again.

And have glimpses of the very first time I turned its first page.

I’d never forget how good the story was.

I may have read a lot of books—

Books that are of better story than yours.

I may be reading more books along the journey.

I may like it. I may not.

I don’t know.

But there’s this one thing I want you to take heart.

You were one story I liked…

And chose to love.

Incomparable with the others.

Unique. Extraordinary. Breathtaking.

I hope you’d find a very good book along your journey, too.

Be brave enough to know what’s behind the last page,

Just as you were when you were flipping the very first page.

In that way, whether you liked and loved what you’ve read,

Keep in mind that there has to be another good book at hand—

Waiting to be discovered and read.

Every book has its own story.

That, I’ve tried and proven.

Ours is one very good book--

That I’ve found interesting.

And intriguing.

Always be kept in the shelves of my heart.