On Growing and Getting Old

I have then realized that there is actually one soul who always makes time to read my blogs -- i have then realized that there is this someone, without me knowing, continuously updating herself about me, and what i have been thinking and doing.

Days ago, I have posted a blog entitled, "Hibernation, anyone?" All about fear of getting and growing old. And that single soul who has read my blog sent me an email answering all these fears i am getting with the thought of growing old.

***

this is FOR YOU.

"not all..."

not all old people stop loving....some of us thrive constantly and would bargain the best deals of our life for "love's sake"
most of us become innately sensitive at the smallest whimper or cry.....even just the breeze and appreciates simplicity at it's purest form.
old people..........i think stare at rainbows...longer than you do....now,
and YES
they do stop and linger among sunsets patiently waiting and feels glorified when the sun rise;

and NO
not all old people become busy.......some
"makes time"
you, of all, should know .

never fear growing old.....never fear knowing.....never miss a day done;
GOOD or BAD.

the minute your heart knows how to recognize feelings
it "stays there"......for i believe only the form changes with time.....

i am old , and i keep learning from a young soul like you....
the thing is ......while you rebel at the "difference".....
i find "harmony"
with the CONTRAST.

my dearest young friend.....

do you know that i still visit your blog and read your thoughts without telling ..... how else would i know ? maybe love , and sensitivity, and making time has something to do with that....
or just maybe.....i'm more, "in " your life than you are with mine.

how does it feel to get old ? .......it feels nothing.......just the usual day by day......passing.
and , oh yes.......as for me, i tend to say "thank you and i love you"....more often now... than before........... thanks for being a good part of my getting old.

from an old friend.........."literally."

***

And tears started to trickle down my cheeks. I've realized, that maybe there is nothing to worry about with people getting old.

Getting old means...
Loving more and more people.
More conversations with friends.
More rainbows to stare at.
More sunrises and sunsets to patiently wait for.
More time to say thank you's and i love you's.

More experiences to spend with one of my special friends (especially the one who sent this to me).

I am 22 now. So what?
I am not scared anymore.

Hibernation, anyone?

Is there any single soul who wants to join me for hibernation?

Why is it that yearly, I would always feel this way whenever it's already the twentieth of september? feels like i am almost becoming a monster again. or maybe into the process of morphing.

scary. i dont want to grow old!

i still can't cross the streets.
i still dont know directions.
i still cant be alone.

arrrgggghhh!
i dont want to grow old.

old people stop loving.
old people overlook at the smallest yet nicer things in life.
old people cant appreciate rainbows anymore.
old people cant appreciate sunsets and sunrises as well.
old people become so busy they lose time for loved ones.

every year, i dread the day of growing old.

i dont want to tire myself of loving.
of smelling flowers at the courtyard.
of staring at the wonders of colorful rainbows and beautiful sunsets.
of spending quality time with loved ones.


and maybe i'll just start learning crossing the streets and knowing directions.
In that aspect, maybe I should grow old on that.

But with everything,
I am sure, I'll still be keeping the child in me.


Tomorrow, I'll be hibernating.
So that the next time i come back, it's the 22nd.
and i missed the day of morphing and becoming more like of a monster.

Edit + Undo

Sana ang buhay parang Adobe Photoshop at Adobe Illustrator. Sa sobrang pagtatrabaho ko at pakikihalubilo araw araw kay adobe photoshop at adobe illustrator, pakiramdam ko ang buhay pwede rin gamitan ng command na EDIT + UNDO. kahit paulit ulit kang magkamali, ayus lang. maaari mong balikan ang pagkakamali mo at itama ito ayon sa nararapat.

Bigla kong napagtanto, ang buhay pala hindi ganun. wala pa lang EDIT + UNDO na command. kung ano na ang nangyari, tama man o mali, hindi na pwedeng baguhin. wala nang ibang magagawa kundi ang magsimula ulit at tanggapin ang mga pangyayaring kaakibat ng desisyong nagawa man ng tama o nagawa ng mali.

paano mo nga naman malalaman na ang isang bagay ay tama pala kung hindi mo naranasan ang mali? ganun talaga eh, paano mo masasabing maginhawa ka pala kung hindi mo naranasan ang kahirapan? at paano mo masasabing masaya ka pala kung hindi mo naranasan ang kalungkutan?

at lahat yun, sa loob ng maikling panahon, napagtanto ko ang kaibahan ng bawat isa.

kaya ngayon, alam ko na ang pagkakaiba. hindi ko man magamit ang EDIT + UNDO, eh di FILE + NEW na lang. di pa naman siguro huli ang lahat.

*
hindi man ako nakapaghanda ng anumang mamahaling regalo, marahil ang pagkilala kong muli sa sarili ko ay isang magandang handog para sa kanya. matagal tagal na din palang pinaiiral ko ang puso ko.

limang taon na.
at sana'y limang taon pa ulit.
at limang taon pa paglipas nun.

creative director at 21

While I was doing the final layouts for the magazines on one of the busy mornings at the office, I saw my boss came in our creative department with a beautiful lady.

"Everyone, meet Maricel. She will be working with our company now."

My boss introduced everyone in the department, and because I am seated at the farther part of the room, I was introduced last.

"Maricel, this is Earla, our creative director."

Did I hear that right?

And yes it's true. The salary adjustments just came after.

I graduated just almost a year ago. And the ladder of success for me just keeps on going better and better. This is already the third company I have worked with, and I must say, that with all the experiences I've gone through, I have learned my lessons really well.

It would always make me smile whenever my mentor and I compare notes now. I even beat her record of being a Creative Director at 23. Maybe it's not just pure luck. I believe, it's luck plus passion. That two makes a good combination. And I would want to thank my mentor for the rest of my living years, because she has brought out the very best in me. And has put me into this position I have been dreaming all my life, that I am so proud of.

FINE ARTS major in ADVERTISING
Since I was a kid, I always wanted to become an artist. I wanted to have a career with just pencils and crayons at hand. And I would want to make money out of it. It was just myself that pushed me to persuing Advertising.

During my Kindergarten years, until now very vivid in my memory, I had a classmate that made me cry in one of our art lessons. She told that one of my illustrations of a cat looks like a dog. And maybe my first deppression triggered to push me more.

But the story didn't just end there. The same person became also a classmate when I was in third grade. Also in one of our art subjects, she embarked again one moving experience. She took away one project of mine, erased my name, put hers, and passed the project as if it was hers. So during our art class, I suffered standing outside of the room because I don't have anymore project to pass when in fact, I stayed long hours the night before doing the paper folding project.

Good enough, after the art class, I rushed to my teacher (with knees trembling because of standing outside for 40 minutes), I told her the whole story. And yes, evidences proved, it was my project. not hers.

Funny isn't it? The person that judged my illustration of a cat as a dog, is the same person that took away one of the best projects I have done painstakingly in my entire life.

And this experience, I will forever bring even at the peek of my career.
It pushed me to work with even more passion. more determination.

The journey ins't through yet.

Creative Director at 21.

What's next?

break it to me gently...

I found again myself last night in one of the places that witnessed the tears of a person who was once a mastermind, and now a quantum leaper. The sadness of losing friends in the masterminds really brought me into tears that night of March 31, 2005. Because, honestly, I hate letting go of people, that's why. Cafe Ago-go, saw me cry three months ago, and just last night, that bar saw me go crazy. really crazy that is. It was sort of a reunion of my former officemates. We're so many, thank god, I was able to pay the bill! We had a lot of buckets of beer. Almost lost count on that. Our all time favorites garlic and mushroom, sisig, ang kropeck! and our new found pulutan, buttered popcorn! And it wasn't only that. All of those fu**in friends asked me to sing! I wasn't even prepared, I needed to sing one of the songs I sort of memorized. Ang walang kamatayang, Break it to me Gently. haha! after that, I almost wanted to go home. Good enough, the keyboardist is oh-so good!

Gosh! The place that I never would want to go is one of the places I dearly love! I had fun sharing the night with my missed friends. Maybe, on our next payday, I'll still go there. And of course, prepare myself to sing again. this time, I'll get a nicer piece. haha! still with jojo on keyboards.

or maybe sing again, break it to me gently...

* just a thought, my last day on masterminds is also the last day of Cafe Ago-go at Emerald Ave. And just recently, they opened at Garnet St., same street as the Centerpoint Building that I am working now. Is that a coincidence or what?

Love.is that just it?

"It's not a question here if I still love you, because seriously I do, and you know and feel that. But the way things are going on now, maybe, we'll just again wait for another lifetime. It really pains my heart badly to tell you this... I just think this is the best thing to do... Please remember--this is not about my eternal love for you, because I still am and still will be..."

It was such a noble thing to do. Loving someone so deeply and purely, and still holding on... It's not about letting go. Because waiting for another lifetime is way too long for people, to tell that person that he's actually letting go. Sometimes, love is not just enough to keep a relationship. The world is too big for people to embrace all its flaws and uncertainties. The world will never understand each and every earthling that lives in his abode. But love, still stays as it is. Even without a relationship. Love is the best and at the same time, the worst feeling someone will ever have in his entire lifetime. and it is, definitely wonderful.

If someone will ask me now-- "Would you still risk your heart to love, even if the whole world never allows you to?" Definitely, no second thoughts, I'd still choose to love. The whole world will never completely understand me, or you. This life is a continuous journey of making ourselves, purely understood.

And yes.
LOVE.
it's just that it.