A whole week without sleep. Sigh.

Finally, the Hong Kong toy show is about to unfold—meaning, sleepless nights will have a ceasefire for the meantime. Yes!

I’ve been daring to write since before my birthday. But have got no time. At all. I thought then that instead of sitting in front of the computer, chat with friends, and write an entry, I should just do my laundry and clean our room. (I realized that every person’s needs has its own hierarchy too. And chatting and writing just comes second on my list now.)

Guess what readers, I’ve got a long birthday celebration I’m sure you’d be jealous of! I’ve never had a birthday celebration as special as this before.

I can still vividly remember last year, just about a few days before my birthday. I wrote an entry about hibernation. I always feel that way every year. I fear of birthdays. Of growing and getting old. And even if I said I’ve learned what it is to grow old, I still couldn’t swallow how bitter (or sweet) it is to add years to life. My friend always comforts me, always telling me, that maybe, I am like this because I have never been used to be treated special. Ever since, I’ve always wanted to treat people I love special, and not the other way around. Maybe it’s true that I feel awkward. I feel odd.

I finally realized how smart God is. Pinaghibernate niya nga ako. J This is my first birthday ever without my family, my relatives, and my closest friends. All I have is a family that I’ve known just for almost four months ago. And still, I wanted to hibernate. I’ve got no plans at all but days have been dragging fast I could not pull it back. So I had to accept, that yes, my birthday is coming.

Pre-birthday Celebration

Every 15^th, the birthday celebrants of the month will blow their very own 3-layered birthday cake. Comes with it is an ampao with money inside, of course. I thought then, that it was the first time I will be having a 3-layered cake, much more to blow candles on it. I barely can remember the last time I blew candles on my birthday cake. It was amazing. This kind of pre-birthday celebration was new to me. So I had a little excitement on my coming birthday, but still, the thought of hibernating is still in consideration.

September 21

I had a countdown on my birthday. I did it alone in the room, which I used to do every year. On the eve of my birthday, I sang a birthday song to myself, and cried. I am happy that I will be celebrating my birthday in a foreign land. But sad, I am far from loved ones. I’ve learned now how to silently cry, without an audience, without someone patting my back, without someone hugging me. I cry and at the same time, I comfort myself after. I was able to look forward to a new experience of celebrating a birthday, far from what I used to have for 22 years.

I celebrated at Bao Li Hotel. We had dim sum and dumplings. I had an orange cake and orange custard cakes. I’ve got birthday presents too! I’ve got an orange bouquet of roses from my friends and got a long stem rose with chocolates from Zhang Hui (our Chinese guy friend). They sang 3 Happy birthday songs in 3 different languages. Would there be anyone luckier than me? From happy birthday to you, to Sheng ri kuai Le, to Maligayang Bati. Looking at my lighted cake, I wished. And I blew my candles on my orange cake. I slept with a thought that it’s not really bad not to hibernate on birthdays. It’s not bad to feel I am special from time to time. I slept with a beaming heart.

Post-birthday Celebration

Last September 30, Chris, Gigi, and MJ went to Hong Kong to see me, and have a post birthday celebration. The Hong Kong trip was my birthday gift to my sister too (Her birthday is on Sept.18). A lot of things have happened during the Hong Kong trip. But looking back, it really was an experience to reminisce, over and over again. I am happy that I was able to spend three days with few of the special people in my life.

We went to a lot of places. I was able to let them see the beauty in Hong Kong. Our first night was spent for a late night dinner around tsim sha tsui in one of the Chinese restaurants that’s still open at past 12 midnight. We should have spent dinner at Avenue of the Stars. But because, it is already late, we opt to change plans.

The following day is Disneyland Day! Everything I thought that would only be dream is not a dream anymore. All of this happened when I’m all awake. Who would have thought na ang batang “Star City” ay nakarating na sa Hong Kong Disneyland? So ano ngayon kung hindi pa ako nakakapunta sa Enchanted Kingdom?

Moments of tears were countless. Just before the entrance I started crying already. And from time to time, there trickled down the salty waters of mixed emotions.

I cried—mainly for two reasons. One, Disneyland for me is every child’s dream. Since the day I probably can remember things, I dreamed of going to Disneyland, and have a picture with Mickey and Minnie mouse. I remember the first cartoon character that I’ve perfected drawing. It was Mickey Mouse that I’ve copied from a plastic coin bank that me and my sister used to fill with “mamera.” So just before the entrance of the Hong Kong Disneyland, I already burst into tears. I have never realized that a dream way back in childhood years would finally come into reality.

Second, I came to Disneyland with a few of the most important people in my life. Taking them to Hong Kong brings a fulfillment and a sense of happiness to me that no one can ever replace. I remember my conversation with my sister when we were still kids. We used to take a look at photographs in the magazines that are shot in Disneyland all over the world. We used to look at friends’ pictures from Disneyland. We both dreamed of this. And I’m happy, I made it happen.

Everything was like a dream to me. A waking dream. A dream that I only want to last. But some (or most) of the good things never really last. I just hold on to one truth—at least, I have memories to reminisce and cherish. And a hope that one day, it will happen again. And that’s what’s important.

Catching Up

I haven’t fed my blog for ages. And to my readers, I so apologize. I’ve got a handful of reasons why I wasn’t able to blog for the past few days.

1. The computer in the common room got a virus. By the time I finally finish what I am about to write, it automatically shuts off. So I’ve become impatient.

2. I’ve got no time. I know it’s so lame, but really, yeah, I’ve got no time. It even surprises me the thought that it was just Monday, and by the time I get to my senses, it’s already end of the week! Sometimes I wonder, do the people I left in the Philippines feel the same way I do?

3. I always go home late from work. I’ve got so many things to do. I’ve got so many projects that will come out on October in Hong Kong toy show. I needed to work twice as fast.

Ugh. That’s why. Please pardon me for that.

The last few days of August were the busy and memorable ones. Well, to catch up, I’ll give you glimpses of what’s been happening to me on my journey here in the land of Shen Zhen.

August 20

Hannah celebrated her third birthday party at Jollibee. Most of our closest relatives and friends were there. How I wish I was there so that I could personally see the beaming face of our little princess. I hope I made her happy and she will not be bothered by my absence as it was swaddled with big and colorful balloons, party poopers, and a lot of kids.

Lunch in Hong Kong

How do you like having just lunch in Hong Kong and having no schedule whatsoever at all? In spite of my busy career schedule, that one Sunday was truly memorable. I don’t have to take a look at the time. For that day, I can go wherever I want, I can do whatever I want to do…I can be as free as a bird. Hong Kong is an interesting place to go to. Of course a day wouldn’t be enough to do all the things I want to do. From Shen Zhen, we rented a car up to LoWu station. and from there, we took the train to Hongkong. I actually don't haveplans of buying anything or going to places whatsoever. I've got money in my pocket. bahala na kahit saan dalhin. papaagos ako. haha!

i got a new fone! finally! yess! i got a sony ericsson z550i. i'm not the techie type of person, but most of the people i know told me it's a good buy! :) in my entire life, this is the first time i got a fone for myself from my own pocket. from my own perspiration. from my own effort. that's why, i'm happy twice as much. hay. ganito pala ang feeling. i'm soo proud of myself... <earla baby smiles and taps her shoulders>

On loving and being loved

We just finished watching Lovers in Paris last Sunday. It was quite a good cry from time to time, from beginning till the end. Maybe, that’s what really love is. Since last weekend, I’ve composed a lot of questions about love. Too many things to ask. Too many people to ask opinions about love. All’s different. Seeing love in one’s own diverse perspective.

Does love really makes the world go round?

Or does it make your whole world stop?

Last Saturday, I thought of texting a friend. Sending messages anyway from my China sim is a lot cheaper than using my Globe roaming sim. I’m happy to be connected to the world again. We’ve had an exchange of how-are-you’s and i-miss-you’s. And I reminded her of her promise of coming to Hong Kong with her partner on November so that I would be able to see them once again, but, in a foreign land. I was so sorry to hear that they’re not together anymore. I still remember her partner before she opted to work in Dubai. Tears were endless before she left. I even told her partner, young as she was, to reach her dreams. Just like me. But like anyone in this world wishes, I am hoping that if one day, her partner comes back from a two-year contract, they’ll still be together and still be so much in love with each other. Well, I guess, some of the good things never really last. Her partner left her leaving “falling-out-of-love” as an excuse. Was it really falling out of love? I am still figuring out. Do long distance relationships don’t really work? Is constant communication still not enough for you to keep the relationship? I wondered.

I missed my friend more. I know she’s grudging. I know what she’s feeling. I am helpless because I could not even hug her and pat her back, and tell her that “it’s going to be okay, in God’s own sweet time. You’ll see.”

I miss Clem. I miss fetching her in her pad before we go to office. I miss bringing her our favorite barbeque and together we grill them, without even caring what her neighbors will tell the next day to their landlady. I miss our chuva talks. I miss our serious talks. I miss our mushy talks over bottles of San Mig Light, whether in her pad, or in Café Agogo. I miss her sweet way of saying “tangaaaaaa” whenever I make mistakes in life, which, I always do. I miss her oh-so-good tacos. I miss her spaghetti. I miss eating popcorn with her. I miss the way she says good things about me in front of her friends. I miss Clem. I miss my friend.

I am constantly praying that one day, she’ll finally find a love that’s really for her. She’s been kind to everyone. And maybe, she deserves a little more worth (and more love) than she’s getting now. I am so sorry for not being with her, especially now that she’s in her trying times. But I have faith, she can make it. I will always be here for you, chuva. Promise.

You’ll probably be Vivian (Tae-Young). Your future will just about to unfold. So I’ll probably one of those who’ll witness. And be excited.

It.Sucks. (written on tuesday, 09.05.06)
Yesterday was Monday. A beginning of a new week. Was so excited to come to work to finish pending projects that will be due really soon. Polly (our translator), came to me and was asking for my signature. It says on the paper that I was fined 20RMB for not turning off the aircon in the office last Saturday. Okay, I admit, due to excitement and hunger during that time, I ran as fast as I could out of the office, not thinking I was the only one left, and that means, a big responsibility of turning off the lights, fans, and damn! Airconditioner. So I paid yesterday. But since I hate the administration, especially, the head, I thought of giving the 20RMB in coins. As in in yi jiao (10 cents) and wu jiao (50 cents). Anyway, that’s still Chinese currency. Not fake money. They didn’t accept the payment. In fact, the administration head even threatened me that they will be giving me yi jiao’s and wu jiao’s on my salary. I said why not? Only if they can find exactly 80million yi jiao’s. hah!

(fyi: the accounting department here in Shen Zhen does not know the foreigners’ salary. My salary. Even a single employee does not know even a hint on how high my salary is, compared from theirs. That’s why the Hong Kong office is the one preparing our pay slips.) I apologize now to my Chinese friends, but I am really mad why are you not accepting your own currency? Why not tell your government to just make money that you prefer to use and accept. Don’t you think it’s a waste of time and energy making all these coins, and not being accepted? I hate this company. So I’m beginning hate your country too. I even hate your people. A**holes.

And now, Tuesday, I received a memo through our email, from the Administration Department, where every employee can see also. Do they really have to do that? Be proud and tell everyone I DID NOT TURN OFF THE AIRCON LAST SATURDAY??? Now tell me. Is that proper? I actually don’t know what to react. Should I be supposed to laugh at them and say, “Don’t you guys have more important things to do rather than write a memo-- er, trash such as this??

Read on, and tell me what you think. Laugh with me. And hate them with me.
______________________________________________
On Sep. 2nd evening, the air-conditioner behind Design Dept. was not turned off after leaving. Since the air-conditioner is a high-power electric machine and wasted a lots of electricity, Our company decided to punish the functionary person Earla by 20 RMB.

______________________________________________

Wow! What a grammar. I’m sorry if I wasted A LOTS of electricity ha? I’m sorry too if I am a FUNCTIONARY PERSON ok? (laughed hard till stomach ached.)

But after that, natawa na lang ako. at naging bida pa ako! ha! kilala na ko sa buong office, even sa factory! bida!

***

To sum it all up. okay naman ako. still getting by. and still surviving. just as you do, my dear reader, one awful day at a time... and always prepare for another awful day that will welcome you tomorrow... and be optimistic. that's what's more important.

Of eating chocnut and tinapa

If there would be anything more to call heaven more than heaven itself (as in "heavenest"?) then, maybe this is it.

Mama Gwen just came back last night from a two-week vacation in Manila.  Who would actually believe that she has now renewed a contract in our company after two long years?  She must've chosen to finish her contract, but instead of leaving us, she came back to china and renewed her contract--for love's and selflessness' sake.

I fondly call her "Mama Gwen" because since the first day i've been here, she's been a mother to me. well, almost. not anly to me, but being one of the eldest here, she's been a mother to everyone as well.  We welcomed her with open arms. We locked ourselves inside the common room so by then she goes inside, we'd all welcome her with loud shouts and hands clapping and hugs... and teary eyes as well.  she brought a lot of stuffs that came way back home from our families.  Karla got her tinapa, and tuyo, and pusit. all soo yummy and very filipino.  I got my cheese spreads, margarine and all those stuffs. plus i got all kinds of chocolates--macadamia, almonds, dark chocolates, white chocolates. but i didnt bother to give them too much attention because, what the heck, they have it here too. i jumped with awe when i saw chocnuts. very filipino. oohhh i terribly miss them. good thing, they sent a lot of it. i hope it wouldnt ran out. sigh.

So we were looking forward to eating all of it. :) yum. we finally decided to eat tinapa during lunchtime. we also cooked luncheon meat.  I ate a lot I admit. the tinapa ran out fast! i even used my bare hands to eat! after lunch, we just put the luncheon meat inside the fridge. hah! hindi mabenta!

And then I thought, if there would be more heaven than the one I experienced the last time, this is the "heavenest!"  Sometimes, the things we take for granted are the things we miss so bad when we finally realize we dont already have them in our grasp.

I love being filipino.

ang mga chinese ba may ganito?

ganito ba kasarap mabuhay sa china?

this is HEAVENEST.

Goodnight world. Till our next meeting in heaven. :)

ohh, before i sleep, i'd eat more of my chocnuts. yum! gusto mo?

A Taste of Heaven

Yes. I tasted heaven. at last.

Finally, after ending the whole week without dinner dates, which we pinays usually do, we've finally decided to eat dinner and spend some time in MYX-C, shenzhen city. while we're heading to the place (thank god, we rented a van and not decided to ride a bus, i might puke, i swear!), i began to hallucinate. -- i thought of the things i usually do every saturday night. my friends would usually fetch me at home and head off to timog or tomas morato just for a few sets of billiards with ice cold san mig light until we doze off. then after having the feeling of "drunkeness," our feet would automatically bring us to starbucks. then have more of my most loved hobby, conversations, which, most of the times i call, "sharing of thoughts." and thus am fullfilled with my day. just regretting the hangover i got the next day. but still, doing the routine again would maybe, in a way, lessen the hangover. --then a friend shook me, told me to have enough of those hallucinations. because wtf, am already here in china. i have to keep it in mind. and just maybe i'll be doing the same routine again after 2 loong years! so there, enough.

Finally, after an hour or so, finally, we reached our destination. Maybe my hallucinations were just the effect of my grumbling stomach. gosh, i am soo hungry then, i could eat a horse. then finally, we saw "the spaghetti house," the place we're dying to eat. (fyi: it's very hard to find any kind of pasta in an ordinary restaurant here in china. especially here in shenzhen. they only have pancit. that's why we grabbed the opportunity.) but then again, a lot of people were eating, so we had to wait for 30mins more or so. but that didn't make me feel mad, though i am having a headache already (cause:grumbling stomach again), because looking back i saw something familiar.someting i know close to me.close to my heart. was i dreaming? is it really the flag of the philippines?

pilipinas kong mahal
and yes. i was able to make sure of it. it IS the flag of my oh-so-beloved country. i've realized that they are holding an ice skating competition where the philippines is a delegate. not only that, i've learned they are the defending champion. gosh i was so proud! then i've seen a lot of filipinos.parents and delegates. then seeing teenage ice skaters, i started to think about my sister's classmate and friend. oh my god, katherine has to be there. then, eavesdropper as i am, i asked filipinos if they know an ice skater by the name of katherine mae anonuevo.then they told me that she's still inside the rink. it made a beam on my face. i swear. a person who is always invited during my sister's party (that i don't usually hang around) is here in a foreign land where i also am! i left a note to one of her colleagues, hoping we could meet up before she goes home to the philippines. sigh. i didnt bother to wait for her because i still need to attend to my aching stomach plus head. so we returned to the resto.

eating time
we ordered for 2 baskets of chiken and chips, a fusilli with mushroom,bacon and white sauce, and a large whole hawaiian pizza. plus a pitcher of lemon iced tea. five of us shared in the meal. so that makes 54RMB/each for a sumptuous dinner i barely experience lately. what can i say? but it was ohh-soo-good... :)

was i dreaming?
they told me they have starbucks here. and ahh, i remember. one of my hallucinations a while ago. and there, almost with bended knees, i begged to have an experience again of how it's like, chatting and drinking your favorite frappuccino sitting outside with their umbrella covered tables. the place and environment was just like greenbelt. or was i hallucinating again? this time effect of being so full. upon ordering, i am telling myself that even a tear should not fall. but i really felt teary eyed. i felt that i was like dreaming. as in. this is china. who would have thought there will be starbucks here. gosh. and so i ordered myself a tall mocha frappuccino. i sat down with friends smiling because of a lot of reasons. 1. i missed starbucks 2. i missed mocha frappuccino and caramel coffee jelly (but the latter, they dont have it here) 3. i missed the things i used to do ( especially spending a lazy day at starbucks) 4. i am missing my friends that i used to hang out with 5.just because purely i miss everything i used to do.i know starbucks will never be the same with a constant customer like me.

epilogue
i headed home happy. not completely happy, but at least happy. i thank god that every now and then, he gives me a taste of heaven in a place i thought i'd never imagine would have. i am missing my friends i left back home. but i am happy that i get to eat at a spaghetti house, sit and have coffee at starbucks with my new found friends, and i recognize too, as of the moment, as my family.

at muli ko na namang tinanggap ang pagdungaw sa bukang liwayway ng tunay na mundo...

sa susunod na pagtakas muli sa tunay na mundo... at matitikman kong muli ang langit. haaay. :)

THANK YOU FOR LOVE by dimsum

My life was a constant uphill climb

Never got it right

Each one I love

Went through a change of heart

You came and my world turned upside down

You sung a different tune

Can't let go

It keeps playing on my mind

Now there's a reason to wake up each day

A reason to shake my blues away

Now I am whole, a lucky soul

Wanna thank you for your love

Thank you. Thank you for your love

Confused , my heart was in a daze

Learned to live with pain

I loved in haste

Then watched it go to waste

You came and brought music to my soul

Inspired me to the very core

You touched me where

No one has been before

Now there's a reason to wake up each day

I thank the Lord for sending you my way

Now I am whole, A lucky soul

Wanna thank you for your love

Thank you, thank you for your love

I saw the world in shades of black and gray…hey

Turning blue with every passing day

Just when I thought that maybe all was lost

My life took on a new turn

And it's all because, it's because

No looking back, no more pain

No more dark clouds, no more rain

Thank you. Thank you for your love.

* cheers to a month older of sharing a lifetime with you...
and i end my day with an intensely beaming heart.

goodnight world. embrace me again with your love tomorrow. :)

Alone but not Lonely

puff.

as the smoke drowns itself into the air.

and there i start to be alone with myself. started to think about the things i've done, the things i need to do, and the things that are yet to be done. i am starting to make my time wothwhile.

and there i thought...

i knew god prepared everything for this. not just me. but my environment as well. because i finally realized, that if ever i brought the old oh-soo-mushy earla baby here, she could not survive. that, i am very sure of. that's why, i just brought the steady-lang-easy-go-lucky earla baby here. and until now, i cannot assure that she's surviving, but at least, getting by.

i loved being with people. i loved sharing thoughts with people over a cup of coffee and a few fags. conversations and studying people's personalities are my top hobbies.

but then again, i realized, sometimes it's better to enjoy my hot coffee and a few fags, and just listen carefully to the innermost feelings of the heart.

and with that, i am content. just by being alone with myself.

alone but not lonely.

Workaholic

I never thought i'd ever be this workaholic in my entire life. not just workaholic because i am obliged to. workaholic in the sense that, i am soo into my work. i just recently realized that working for me now is not just earning for a living, but working for me now, is learning more, and re-learning and entirely putting passion in my craft.

During my stay here, I may say that i've had a lot of no's from the layouts i made. but hearing a single yes out of those no's, made me feel satisfied, especially in a world of really tough competition. maybe in the following days, i may probably get more yes answers than no. :) and i am very much optimistic. i just needed more slap in the butt...

top 3's

1. my fingers hurt again. not because i did laundry (which is the reason most of the time), but because karla and i cleaned our room. i didnt realize that i put a lot of effort on scrubbing the floor, my fingers ache already.

2. at last, my 4 bag collections of garfield are finally approved by PAWS!! am just soo happy. i just need the production for samples. :)

3. finally i saw the pictures of flowers that i sent mom for her birthday. :) they're so lovely. really, it's prettier than the ones dad gave :P

Overjoyed

Yesterday was a very busy day for me. Also, one of those days I am thinking of going back home. It's mom's birthday yesterday. I sent her beautiful flowers which i hope brought tears into her eyes. But investing on even a huge bouquet of flowers would not even replace the joy of my mom when I am with her. :( Hearing their voices on the telly added more tears into my eyes. Lola even told me what she had prepared for mom. kare kare. barbeque. pancit. lumpiang shanghai. grilled eggplant. all of which are my top favorites. I even heard loud voices of my cousins and godchildren playing around. made me think they're once again happy to see each other in our mini reunion which happens every weekend. fight na! i even heard my uncles and other tong its playmates. i know that in anytime, someone would shout and say he wins, and gets all the pot.

i cried. i cried hard. i miss a lot of things just because i wanted a beautiful career. i terribly miss the food. even if i roam around the big country of china, i wont be able to taste the best dishes that lola always prepare especially on occasions like this. Not only food do i terribly miss. I miss most my family, my loved ones, even the things that we used to do. i know they have an empty chair on our tong its table reserved for me. I know also that the other microphone is also reserved once i get back home. they told me videoke will never be the same without me. i pray that days would drag much faster. and i'd be in the loving arms of my family and loved ones again...

TOP 3's:

1. Though i was a lil bit down due to my absense on mom's bday, i treated myself to kung fu. was really good food. never thought i'd be loving soymilk in my entire life.

2. When we pass by Mcdonald's, i saw their happy meal! and it's the most lovable and the i-wanna-die-for-it THE DOG! so i got myself 2 happy meals which i am eating for breakfast now. :)

3. We watched the sassy girl on DVD. I cried so hard. "it's building the bridge of chance for your love..."

"of all the moms in the world, i'd still definitely choose you!
Sheng ri kuai le, mommy!
from your daughter across the miles... i love you so much!"