Losing Balance

He took as much photos as he could.
He took as much photos of us as he could.
He looked around and snapped in all angles, as if wanting to encapsulate all those memories he's had over the years.

He pressed my hand, hugged tightly.
We exchanged our last glances, as my throat slowly becomes painful.
I looked up, breathed in as much air as I could, and looked away.

At the Changi Airport Terminal 3, Departure Area,
sending off our Kuya Mark to share to the world.

Tonight was the night, the Kuya I once never had, finally left to follow his heart's desires.
Tonight was the night, our Kuya Mark left.

We were such a good team.
The three of us, James, me, and our Kuya Mark.

James would always bully me, and Kuya Mark always rescues me.
Kuya Mark would crave for some blueberry pancakes or scones, and we would look forward to the weekend so we could bring him the ones that I cooked and baked.
Kuya Mark would give James stuff that he likes, even those that were gifts from people.
Kuya Mark would willingly give me all the bacon in his plate, and he won't feel bad at all.
We would go to picnics, cycle at parks, eat at posh restaurants, eat at hawker centres, eat chips in the middle of the night, watch movies, watch sappy movies, watch tagalog movies, swim together, grill barbecue, laugh at each other, laugh at other people.

We were such a good team.
We've never lost our balance until today.

I looked at James tonight and said, "Paano na yan, tayo na lang."

I was not really good in handling goodbyes, especially the sudden ones. Nobody has prepared me for this, and there will never be getting used to.

And while we pray that our Kuya Mark will start to smile genuine smiles, and laugh ceaselessly until his stomach aches, James and I pray for that day that somehow, we'd finally find balance in this lost equilibrium.

September Thoughts

In a few days, I will be celebrating my 32nd birthday. Yes, I sent that to the Universe because I guess maturity teaches us to accept the things that we are uncontrollable of. Like age.

In a few days, I will be having the grandest adventure with Mr. G. It's going to be the grandest adventure YET to be written.

The days have been different.
The struggles are becoming more and more difficult.
The responsibilities are getting more and more arduous.
Life is becoming more and more real.

And yet,
The sun shines brighter by the day.
The moon becomes even more impeccable by the night.
The everyday blessings become more evident.
Life is becoming more and more relevant.

I guess, I have already learned how to dance with everyday. Maybe this is not yet the big chunk of it, but I think, tomorrow's something to look forward to. Tomorrow's something to wake up to.

I've seen how beautiful love is. But now, I've seen how ugly love is too. And yet, there's so much charm in those ugliness. Embracing it even makes love more and more beautiful.

I am getting used to the idea of having somebody to confide with everything, somebody to share life's little victories, somebody to share life's unbreakable walls -- to fight over petty things, and at the same time have ambitious dreams together.

One morning, he was too ecstatic for narrating his dream. He said he was happily playing with a beautiful little girl, our little girl. The little girl was playful and kept on running around, and he kept on being too overprotective, following her wherever she goes. After he finished narrating his dream, he told me, "it felt so real."

I am unsure of what's going to happen today, or tomorrow. I've never had a concrete life plan, until today. But I'm only sure of one thing.

I could marry this guy.

#Clingy

Hashtag Clingy.

Young people of today use that as part of their everyday language. Why are people of today so clingy with everyone and everything that at times it doesn't make sense anymore.

What has ever happened to our personal independence?

My phone suddenly gave up on me today. My alarm didn't wake me up. I couldn't check my calendar on my daily schedule and meetings. I lost communication to family and friends overseas. I could not even track when my next period will be. Just because my phone died on me.

I felt like I was a headless chicken running around nowhere.

And why do we act this way with our relationships too? We have been used unto being attached to the comfort of having them around. What will happen when suddenly one is gone, or lost?

Should we feel like a headless chicken running around nowhere too?

We cling, and yet we only cling for the moment.