Giving in the Midst of Emptiness

I have been going through a lot of emotional turmoil lately. However, I am amazed at how I could extend help in spite and despite of my brokenness.

When typhoon Yolanda hit the central part of the Philippines, looking through all social networking sites was heartbreaking and devastating. The whole world has been talking about it. Friends and friends of friends expressed how we should help for the country.

And on that night, a few days ago, while lying down comfortably on my bed, I just couldn't take the fact that in spite of emptiness I feel inside, I am more blessed compared to the worries of the world. I had to be strong for my country. I had to be strong for the needs of the world. I had to put down my own worries that seemed too little compared to what is happening.

When I came to work the following day, I informed colleagues of the situation of the Philippines and sent a mass email of the initiative that I've thought of. Aside from asking them for old clothes to be sent to the Philippines, I informed them that I will be baking cupcakes for 2 days to sell to them, and all proceeds will be given to Philippine National Red Cross.

I was overwhelmed by the response and generosity of my colleagues. I've been baking cupcakes for them for free whenever I want to, and I bring it to work on a Monday just to fight the blues at the start of the week. But this time, I sold the cupcakes for $2 each. I was only expecting pledges amounting to around $100 but when I counted the money, it's more than double of what I am expecting. I shouldn't really be underestimating the goodness in people.

There have been meetings and events left and right for me so I really never had the chance to monitor the response. I just placed the cupcakes on the table with a container for the money to be placed. The whole initiative was based on honesty policy. Looking back, I actually liked the idea. The money we have put up was more than enough!

There were colleagues who just like eating cupcakes, so they bought. But little did they know that it was a win-win situation. While they enjoy the goodness of cupcakes, they are also helping people who are suffering in the Philippines. And there were mostly colleagues too, who doesn't have sweet tooth, never took even one cupcake, but placed their pledges into that container.

Later today, I will be sending the money to Philippine National Red Cross. It may not be much from the pledges others have made all over the world. But I believe that a little help is better than nothing.

I look at the heavens today with a different kind of gleam in my heart. In the last few days, I have underestimated myself too. I knew that I have channelled my attention, love, and care to unnecessary and unworthy people, things, and experiences. Little did I know that I can only find happiness within.

Today I am even more grateful to the Universe. Yolanda survivors may thank me for the little help that I did. But honestly, I should be thankful that this initiative has taught me so many things on the realization of my self-worth. I am starting to love myself more.